This article is more for women. As my psychology teacher M.E. said. Litvak, only a man who has already established himself in his business can marry. And only a woman who earns enough to support herself, her husband and children from her marriage with this man can get married. I fully support this opinion. However, Mikhail Efimovich did not explain why he thinks so. I’ll try to do this. A girl, Tanya, 35 years old, comes to me. She complains that her life is complete hell. She is the mother of two children, 6 and 10 years old. He takes care of them and educates them. Does not work. From morning to evening I am busy with family matters. Despite all her efforts, her husband treats her poorly. Dismissive and arrogant. Doesn't take her interests into account. And lately I started staying late at work. And it seems that he smelled of women's perfume.... In connection with this, he was in a depressed mood. There was negativity towards my husband. Asks the question “does it make sense to live with this man?”, or to end the marriage and try to build a new relationship. Me: Tell us, what do you do at home? Tanya: I clean, wash, cook. I do all the things necessary to maintain comfort in the family. Me: What does my husband say? Tanya: He doesn’t say anything, he behaves as he should! Me: How would you like him to treat you? Tanya: With respect, as a worthy person. And he treats me like a housewife! Me: Tanya, it turns out you don’t work anywhere, do laundry at home, clean, and cook? Yes? Tanya: Yes! Me: And he treats you as if you were a housewife? Tanya: Yes! I wash, clean and cook, and he..... Oh.... yes, after all, I am a housewife.... Me: How does your husband treat you? Tanya: (smiles) Yes.... really...I, of course, do not want to underestimate the merits of women, whose only job is housekeeping. But this is not the path that will lead to happiness. There are two important points that play a key role in the foundation of future problems. The first is financial vulnerability (dependence). The fact is that a dependent person is never free. He will be forced to adapt to whoever he depends on. What if your desires and goals are the same, but your partner’s are different? We'll have to give in. Or conflict in order to insist on their own. The one on whom they depend will be tempted to abuse their position. I don't want to say that everyone does this. But, purely theoretically, this can happen? (What do the majority of women complain about? That they treat her like a housewife. Completely disregarding her interests) The problem is that from any addiction, a person will try get rid of. The very fact of addiction can be unpleasant. That's how we are made. And while this problem persists, the person will not feel well. And the second reason. This is a feeling of self-importance. The fact is that every person must be in charge somewhere. This does not mean being a leader. He may be an ordinary performer. The main thing is that he will be a specialist in his field. He feels in demand in society. There is no way to bypass the need to be significant. It is one of the basic needs. Therefore, financial dependence and unsatisfied self-esteem can kill any marriage and make anyone unhappy. Unfortunately, women strive for dependence (under wing, under protection, etc.), in damage to self-esteem. And men strive for superiority (to protect, take care, etc.), in the form of a dependent wife. On a conscious level, everyone strives for happiness. But the true goal (it is often unconscious) is always reflected in the result. What has the person come to? What to do? In families, it is very rare for both spouses to earn the same amount. More often when one is larger and the other is smaller. Well, or both are not enough. The smallest salary should be able to feed yourself, your child and your husband. And there must be a firm division of responsibilities for paying expenses. Everyone should have household responsibilities. And these responsibilities must be clear.