Betrayal through the eyes of a child. Or... “children don’t see anything”? Psychologists are sure that crises in family life are a natural phenomenon. Crises occur during different years of a couple’s life together. But how can you ensure that disagreements between husband and wife do not affect the children? And is it even possible? Especially if we are talking about adultery... These and other questions from VH were answered by the medical psychologist of the Vladivostok Clinical Diagnostic Center Natalya Kolesnik. Time, place, circumstance... A lot depends on the age of the child and on the circumstances under which he learned about the discord in family. It’s one thing when you and your partner made a joint decision to separate (and began to systematically build your personal life separately from each other) and a completely different story when the news about your wife’s/husband’s infidelity became an unexpected blow for you. In the first case, it is advisable to prepare child to future changes in family life. You can explain to the children in a form they can understand that yes, mom and dad decided to separate, but for the children they will forever remain parents, no matter what happens. The child needs to know that parental love will not decrease, and, most importantly, he should not feel guilty for his parents' divorce. In addition, the child needs to feel that no one is going to compete with his natural parents. If divorcing your wife/husband is your conscious step and each of you already has another loved one, perhaps it’s time to introduce him to your child. But you should do this unobtrusively and carefully - only when you yourself are confident in the seriousness of the intentions of your chosen one. There are situations when children happily begin to make friends with the new family of their mother and/or father. Therefore, the main task of adults is to help the child adapt as comfortably as possible to the new conditions of family life, maintaining his peace of mind. Let’s assume that the child himself learned about the betrayal of one of the parents. If he told you about this - and you were aware of what was happening - calmly tell the child: “Yes, this fact takes place. Dad and I have a little problem, and we will definitely do our best to solve it soon. We still love you, and we would hate for you to worry about us.” Talk to your child, listen to what he thinks about this, let him talk it out and try to calm him down. But this is only possible if you yourself radiate calm. If the news about adultery shocked you, you can honestly say that you know nothing about it, but “no matter what happens, your dad/your mom and I will find a way out of any situation.” You shouldn’t focus on the fact that dad or mom is a traitor! Do not give in to emotions, especially while you yourself are not sure of the veracity of the information received (it is likely that the child might have imagined it or someone told him about it). Keep in mind that the child worries about each of the parents and it is likely that he will try to do everything to prevent the family from breaking up. When adults get into a conflict over betrayal, the child often begins to associate himself with the injured party and feels as if he was personally betrayed. Many children begin to take on the role of one of their parents. But for a child this is an unbearable psychological burden, so be extremely attentive to his experiences, but do not devote personal or intimate details of your conflict with your wife or husband. Treat the child’s feelings with care. The natural sensitivity of children makes them very vulnerable to the emotional state of their mother and father. Even babies, reading the mood of both parents, can become restless, nervous, and cry more often. Internal discord is also typical for older children, since they already consciously feel that a change in family roles is taking place in the family. All these anxieties are understandable: any child in such a difficult situation, regardless of age, is afraid of becoming unnecessary.