From the author: Oh, if you say that I immediately believed in psychotherapy and saw the results, then you are deeply mistaken! How long did I go before I began to notice changes! I am writing this for those who do not believe in psychotherapy; in general, to work on my problems and personal growth with the help of psychology. I, like most, was once skeptical about all these “heart-to-heart conversations,” but nevertheless, life once forced me to seek help, because I would continue to live like this It was impossible - either I would stay where I was, or I would start changing something. No, I didn’t have anything too serious, I just didn’t get any joy from life: some kind of unremitting dullness and resentment towards the world... It was the desire for change that determined my choice. But that was not the case! My head decided that it wanted changes, but my body, feelings and thoughts were accustomed to living according to old patterns and did not want to change! And this is the first thing that surprises a person about himself: he simultaneously wants and does not want changes. “Unbearable”, “tired” - on the one hand and “Habitual”, “safe”, “scary” - on the other. Either the desire for life wins (and then I overcome fear and change), or the desire for death (let everything remain as it is ). So what is this strange word “psychotherapy”? What is the gift of psychotherapy? From birth to death, a person says: “I”, without thinking: who He really is. Once upon a time you were born and were completely naked - both literally and figuratively. You were innocent and defenseless, and also helpless, you needed both physical and emotional warmth, otherwise you simply would not have survived. And, at the same time, you were whole. It turned out differently for everyone: some received warmth (even excessively), others were completely deprived. But the point is that from the safe environment of the mother’s womb we all came to a completely different world - harsh and alien. And this first physiological birth, when a child leaves the safe space of the mother’s womb, is the first psychological trauma of a person: shock, fear, scream and…. the forces of nature calling to life: that’s it, man was born. Little by little, the child begins to understand that here, in this world of people, everything is not so rosy and safe, and it is worth “keeping your eyes open” in order to survive and grow. All. The previously naked baby gradually begins to “dress.” His “I” is vulnerable, it receives pain, trauma and experience, and little by little it closes and splits. The true Self is the Center, the Ground; this is who we really are…. During life, every experience of an individual is imprinted in the “I” and then sorted by it into two cells - “positive” and “negative”. A person has a relationship with everything that happens and chooses in which cell to “put” this or that experience. As a rule, “negative experiences” are remembered for a long time, this is how the psyche works, it accumulates and…. gradually there are more and more “clothes”. After all, no one wants to experience pain and suffering. “Clothing” is provided by psychological defenses against received and ongoing traumas: denial, repression, introjection, replacement, intellectualization, compensation, suppression, projection, avoidance, identification, etc. The list of defenses can be as long as an individual can be creative and resourceful. As experience shows, the more problems a person has, the more “clothing” he needs, and the further he moves away from himself, from his center and becomes more and more NOT - I... Here the most interesting thing begins: more and more this NOT - I asks happiness and then the race for pleasure begins. Endless and absolutely meaningless running in a circle... Why endless and meaningless? Because happiness is achievable only in the True Self, when we are WHAT we really ARE, when I am the center. Only in this state can a person hear what his Soul wants and what his role is in this world. Flight, on the contrary, takes you further and further away from the True Self, there are more and more “clothes” andtherefore it is no longer possible to hear yourself. So, I’m telling you with all the frankness and honesty that I have at the moment: the gift of psychotherapy is that IT HELPES “GET UNdressed” AGAIN AND STAY “NAKED” as far as possible for you. To remain “naked” means to become yourself again and not to depend on external assessments and environmental factors, to free yourself from some of the unnecessary defenses that interfere with the full experience of life. That is why psychotherapy is a painful process, it is a slow process: meeting yourself, accepting your “dark” sides of your personality and getting closer to the “I” requires courage, patience and honesty. Psychotherapy gradually heals traumas received throughout life, helps to free oneself from psychological defenses that close off life itself in all its splendor. Thus, in the process of working with a psychologist, the client gradually begins to free his mind, feelings and body from the accumulated “clothing”, which every year becomes more and more difficult to carry: trauma, unlived pain, attitudes and beliefs, self-attitude and low self-esteem - that’s the small list of "cargo". And its duration depends on the individual experience, capabilities and age of the client. Imagine a 50-year-old man. He has already lived about half his life. How many of these “clothes” does he have! Heaviness in his gait, excess weight, bad habits, reluctance to lead an active lifestyle, illnesses are a consequence of emotional traumas accumulated over the years. So how long will it take for him to have the desire to free himself from excess burden? Sometimes it takes years just to understand that you need the help of a psychologist, that you can no longer and do not want to live like this. Then it will take time to really start psychotherapy, because... injuries do not allow one to approach the pain and defenses are triggered again and again: “I’m already doing well”; "bad psychologist"; “doesn’t help”, “expensive”, “charlatan”, etc. It’s a different matter when a young client seeks help: there are fewer injuries due to their young age, and there are fewer defenses (unless, of course, there is a special case associated with difficult experiences). Accordingly, with young people (under 30 years old) psychotherapy proceeds faster and This means that fewer investments are required - both temporary and financial. Therefore, I can tell you that usually (on average) it takes from several sessions to several months to solve a problem, and if you want internal changes and personal growth, then psychotherapy lasts from a year or more. Everyone, literally everyone, is infected with the impatience of children to get results right away. But this does not go away with psychotherapy. To get results, you need to go a long way to yourself, to know and accept what you haven’t seen or noticed inside yourself. These time and financial investments in psychotherapy are simply priceless: any other expenses are outside of yourself (cars, yachts, career, pleasures, wealth, etc.); only a meeting with yourself, acquaintance and subsequent friendship with yourself (which is expressed in integrity and harmony) will never go away from you, because you have become “naked” again - you have returned to yourself…. And the length of the path is determined by the client’s desire, but usually the one who started it continues to develop throughout his life, becoming closer and closer to himself. Having once begun a journey within himself with a psychologist, he then continues it on his own. Well-known experts say that psychotherapy is needed until you become your own psychotherapist. If you have courage and patience, the client usually receives from psychotherapy: - Physical ease. All our fatigue, by and large, is emotional fatigue. Freed from part of the burden of problems, a person becomes lighter and gains strength; - The source of creativity opens: the desire to create appears; - A new friend appears - You are on your own. He is reliable and faithful; - It is easier for the client to understand his real desires and goals, since the “tangle” of thoughts gradually unravels in the process of psychotherapy; - Finds inner freedom (Oh, it’s happiness to not look at others