For some time I wrote an article with a provocative title - “Why mosquitoes.” I thought about it a lot more and realized that it definitely requires a continuation. If you have not read this article yet, I recommend taking a little time and reading it first. And even if you have read it, you can refresh your memory again. To do this, CLICK HERE. My position on what to do if there is still no critical need to run to specialists, but there is still some discomfort is expressed by the metaphor: Psychology is like traveling: someone prefers independent tourism, but some – services of travel companies. In the last article, I focused my attention on why it is still worth contacting psychologists even when you understand that you can cope with the situation on your own. And now I want to think about how those who like to “travel on their own” should act. And there is simply incredible scope for imagination (which, by the way, is one of the main traps). As Einstein said: Thus, to solve a problem, you need to grow as a person, become wiser, more flexible, friendlier, more confident, calmer, etc. and so on. (it all depends on the problem you intend to solve and your personal characteristics). All this can be achieved on your own if you are ready for hard work, strict discipline and great self-care. I offer you an algorithm for solving all problems: 1. Understand and formulate the problem in the first person. You will never solve a problem until it is formulated in your head as something for which you are responsible. For example, statements such as “My husband drinks,” “The boss ignores me,” “The child doesn’t listen to me,” etc. will not lead you anywhere. Much more effective would be “I’m unhappy with my husband who drinks,” “I’m demotivated because my boss ignores me,” “I feel like an incompetent mother because my child doesn’t listen to me.” 2. Work out the basic methods for solving the problem. In fact, there are only 4 methods: - change the situation, - change yourself/your behavior, - change your attitude towards the situation, - get out of the situation that creates the problem. First, you need to understand what methods are possible for your problem. For example, leaving a relationship with a drinking husband is one of the likely solutions to the problem. And if you are a mother whose child does not obey, a way out of the situation will most likely be unlikely, because this involves leaving the relationship with the child, for example, abandoning him. But it will be effective to analyze and change your own behavior towards your child. It is also important to understand which methods are not suitable for you, even if they are theoretically possible. For example, you understand that your boss is ignoring you because some time ago you refused his advances. That is, to solve a problem, you can change behavior and reciprocate, but this contradicts your values ​​and ethical ideas. But the method of “changing your attitude towards the situation” is possible and does not cause any internal contradictions. Please note: among these methods there is no item “change another”, because this is IMPOSSIBLE. A person can only change if he wants to! 3. Having decided on acceptable methods for solving the problem (maybe at this stage you have not yet decided on just one - this is normal), proceed to fantasizing about ways to solve it. There is a full scope for creativity here. For example, in the case of the problem “I am demotivated because my boss is ignoring me,” you consider it acceptable for yourself to change the situation or change your attitude towards it. Take a pen and paper and write down as many ways as possible to solve a given problem for each method (the exercise is called “brainstorming”, you can read about it on the Internet). For example: Change the situation: Attract the boss’s attention with an interesting project Organize a strike against the boss’s harassment with the whole team Complain about the boss to his boss Establish friendly contact:-)