From the author: this is a metaphorical story taken from a parable in which I talk about my relationships with clients who do not want to take responsibility for their lives into their own hands, who stubbornly impose this responsibility on me, or leave, when I have nothing more to offer them except their personal responsibility - a gift that is usually not appreciated because they do not see the lesson... Life is like a piano. White keys represent love and happiness, black keys represent grief and sadness. To hear the real music of life, we must touch both. In his work “Confession,” Leo Tolstoy outlined the essence of human experiences: “An eastern fable has long been told about a traveler caught in the steppe by an angry beast. Fleeing from the beast, the traveler jumps into a waterless well, but at the bottom of the well he sees a dragon with its mouth open to devour him. And the unfortunate man, not daring to get out, so as not to die from the enraged beast, not daring to jump to the bottom of the well, so as not to be devoured by the dragon, grabs the branches of a wild bush growing in the crevices of the well and holds on to it. His hands weaken, and he feels that he will soon have to surrender to the destruction that awaits him on both sides; but he still holds on, and while he holds on, he looks around and sees that two mice, one black, the other white, evenly walking around the trunk of the bush on which he is hanging, are undermining it. The bush is about to break off and break off on its own, and it will fall into the dragon’s mouth. The traveler sees this and knows that he will inevitably die; but while he is hanging, he searches around him and finds drops of honey on the leaves of the bush, takes them out with his tongue and licks them.” Dragon Every time I conduct therapy, I see a client rushing about in search of a way out of their various life conflicts. And then we, together with him, penetrate into the mysterious jungle of the unconscious. And now I hear the long-awaited story about the “dragon”. The dragon can be a boss at work, a depressed husband, inattentive parents, and so on. The parable about the dragon describes the everyday life of a person, his existential quest, the ordeal of life in anticipation of death. It also happens that the “dragon” is hidden, even from oneself. But sooner or later, we still find him. The most interesting thing is that once the source of irritation, the “dragon,” is found, the client is in no hurry to part with it. The bad habit of “warming the dragon on your chest” leads to depressive disorders, obsessive states, fears, feelings of anxiety and emptiness, uselessness, and loneliness. This is the feeling of a hunted horse that is approaching the finish line behind everyone else. Her run makes no sense. So maybe she was running in the wrong direction? Although she ran so selflessly... Further into the forest - more firewood! The client soon realizes that he has come to terms with the fact that he is a victim of circumstances. And he even flaunts it. It's easier that way. Everyone feels sorry for him, understands him, and he comes up with new ways to prove that he is right. Busy looking for lawyers and defenders. But who will protect him from himself? In the end, the unfortunate man composes a “fairy tale”, the story of his life with the advantageous position of an innocent sufferer. In which we hear what he did to “improve” this world, situation, people, and so on. Thus, there is a “denial” of that truth, the reality of life, which people call karma (talking about cause and effect). And so the pathology of the endless experience of psychological trauma develops. There are 5 stages of going through the psychological trauma of grief/illness/inadequacy, etc. (taken from the “stage of cancer acceptance): Denial or shock Anger Bargaining/struggle Depression Acceptance At first, a person does not believe that this is happening to him, he understands that he lives some other person’s life, not his own, not like that. Then indignation sets in, anger comes, and He tells everyone about the terrible dragon (husband), shows him photographs and says: “Look how sour my husband is!” And then he continues to go to psychologists and collect dirt on him. But why, instead of throwing out of his head what prevents him from growing and developing, what leads him into a blind corner, into a dead end, he put in a dead end?the center of his life is this dragon. And he makes public excuses from the series: “why am I living with him...” Then the next stage begins: bargaining/struggle. And from this moment on, the client acts in life in spite of, or thanks to, the dragon. Note how this happens is no longer important! After all, the result is the same - a person forms his mentality and principles based on the values ​​and opinions of someone else. When this stage of the relationship with the dragon begins, the client begins to defend his boundaries (bargaining or open struggle). This period requires a lot of mental strength and anxiety. Not everyone passes the stage of bargaining/struggle. It all depends on how much someone has enough of something. But it is possible that in this state the client “freezes” for a long time. This state could be described by a diagram in the form of remission and panic attacks of excitement in the form of a search for justice, the struggle for life and defending one’s interests. Such an “incomplete gestalt” can happen to a person even after the “death” of the dragon, or leaving the dragon, if the relationship is full of hatred, pain and resentment. If a person does not suppress his feelings in the bargaining/struggle stage, but lives them fully, depression may occur . This happens to someone who is tired of fighting and needs a break. For John Gray in his “love letters,” this stage occurs after writing out disappointment, pain and resentment. As a result, having worked through all these feelings, the client is left with guilt. This moment comes as an insight. If in the previous stage the client wants to neutralize this dragon, and agrees that it needs to be “neutralized.” Now He understands that this is IMPOSSIBLE. Because this “dragon” is already part of him. And not just a part - he himself symbolically placed it at the center of his personality, his values ​​and priorities. He himself acted out a symbol drama in which he performed in a one-man theater. He tortures and provokes himself. He is punishing himself. And now he brings his gifts to the altar of faith in the power of the dragon. These gifts could be personal time, thoughts about the dragon, life put on the line to “please” the dragon or against it, and so on. The most interesting thing is that this makes the dragon neither hot nor cold. And the client suffers, falling into his own trap of unjustified expectations, failed faith and love, unmet needs, and a broken life. The exit in therapy occurs when the client himself or with the help of a psychologist has reached the “acceptance” stage. The client must accept that He himself brought the situation to a crisis. Without acceptance there will be no responsibility. And when responsibility comes that the client should in no way share with the psychologist/psychotherapist, welcome. After all, therapy at Alcoholics Anonymous courses begins with a confession of alcoholism. Possible solution in therapy: Working with a chair. It is necessary to place a chair at some distance from the client and indicate with the phrase “the boundaries of his life”: “imagine that this is your death.” A series of questions to the client: How long are you going to serve this “dragon” (substitute: husband/wife, mother-in-law/ mother-in-law, etc.)? Why do you need this? If there were no psychologists, how would you cope with the situation, what would you do? What do you want to change, improve in relation to the dragon? How much time of your life will you need to in order to resolve your relationship with the dragon? Are you ready to take responsibility for your relationship with the dragon? Why did you need such a relationship in your life, such a situation, what lessons can be learned from it? It often happens that once we become honest with the client and return to him his “responsibility” that was initially, a priori, unconditionally placed on our shoulders, the shoulders of the “healer”, “messiah”, the client disappears. But we, healers of souls (“psycho” from the ancient Greek ψυχή - “soul”) must persevere through such lessons. Stick to your line and strictly follow the laws of ethics: “do no harm.” Otherwise, the client turns into a helpless vegetable, over whom “merciless fate”, “evil fate”, “dragon” will continue to gloat. Two mice Two mice - white and black in the parable of the dragon - thisday and night. This time. Time that makes the client fuss, think about what he has to do. Think about what fruits he will reap if he remains inactive. Everyone knows the expression: “a time to scatter stones, and a time to gather stones.” So, we understand perfectly well that each of us has a certain time to mess up. And there is a certain time to correct your mistakes. People who have not taken responsibility and have not found “their own mistakes”, but are only looking for other people’s schools (the collective image of a dragon), should be afraid of time. After all, time sums up the results and “counts the collected stones.” And then everything happens in favor of the dragon. So, the dragon is the circumstances that arise in our lives that need to be resolved. Mice - time. If a client takes responsibility for that important life task that comes to him in the form of a dragon: usually through a situation or through some person, he understands that this is a lesson. Each person appears in our lives precisely when we most need the lesson that he brings. More details about this in my article: Karmic laws. How do they affect human psychology? You need to treat from the head. Death, which awaits a person, is that existentially important stage that cannot be delayed. Time brings us closer to death. And sooner or later it’s time to think about: “what have you done to justify your existence?” Ask this question to such a client. Clocks, like mice, unfortunately work tirelessly, but for a man who is backed into a corner, time works against him. And when we are inactive, and when we shift responsibility for our lessons from fate to another psychologist, our strength does not increase. Life becomes somehow alien in an unequal battle with this terrible beast - the dragon. It is important to remember that in order to get closer to immortality, you do not have to be brave. It’s enough to just be honest, just take a step towards honesty and find yourself alone in front of yourself. Not fictitious and embellished with a layer of personality, no. Oneself, one who lives every moment of his life with quality. This is the path of awareness. The path to logotherapy, the path to meaning. About honesty with yourself in more detail in my article: “Magic for attracting a soul mate. How to cure a “Sick Heart.” Drops of honey. In the parable, the water of life flows out drop by drop, the supply of energy is depleted. A little sooner or a little later, the vessel of life will be empty, and a man who hangs over the abyss of a waterless well understands that he is doomed, like each of us. We will die. But who remembers this every day, every second of his life? Robin Sharma expresses his existential experiences about this very interestingly in the book " Who will cry when I die? "Some may listen to existing idols, some believe in their own strength, but there is a third category of people who see the divine presence in everything. Most people behave like the traveler from the parable - they amuse yourself with drops of honey of the illusory pleasures of this material world. But sooner or later the pleasures become boring. After all, in the situation of a traveler “suspended” over a bottomless well, it is difficult to experience pleasure first. When emotions are suppressed, feelings of bitterness and resentment dull the sensations so much that it is no longer possible to experience joy. People come up with a wide variety of “deceptions” and “stubs” - compensation, replacement mechanisms with the help of which they more or less successfully distract their gaze from the terrible , but at the same time the most important truth - death. But in order to live fully, you must first solve its riddle! Life must be fulfilled before it can be extinguished. Therefore, momentary “drops of honey” do not saturate. Recognizing this harsh truth, one should look for existential subtext in any matter. Existential motivation. This world will collapse sooner or later. It's time to move to other worlds, to other levels. And perhaps these will be the levels of the soul. Output in therapy for 16.00!