From the author: The article contains a fragment of work with emotional trauma. Girl on a chair. Of course, I wanted to write “Girl on a Ball”. The most difficult injuries to work with are cumulative, multiple, long-term injuries. And even more difficult - more complex than complex - are emotional cumulative traumas. What it is - it’s not so interesting to tell, but it’s better to show it once. The story is posted at the request (!) of the client, the name and details have been changed. At the reception - a 35-year-old woman, elegant, well-educated, sweet. Married, two wonderful children. She is doing what she loves - medicine, she has defended her candidate's thesis, and is aiming for a doctorate in the future... BUT: Reason for applying: difficulty in making decisions, increased anxiety, acute experience of any critical comments, feeling “bad, not the way I should be...” Psychosomatic manifestations, as they say, are in assortment... It would seem: live and be happy - and here you go... Tears, trips to a neurologist, endocrinologist, and so on on the list... During therapy, we came to this stage: One day I got a B in math. In first grade. Mom was so angry! No, we had a decent family. They did not insult, and, of course, they did not beat the children. What are you... I was sitting on a chair, as I remember now, closer to the table. And my mother stood nearby and saw my notebook. And there's a four. Yes, exactly.. Spring has come, May! The bird cherry tree was blooming, and I was already dreaming about the holidays, about how I would live with my grandmother in the country. And, of course, I relaxed and made a mistake on the math test. Mom got so angry: “What are you thinking about?” How can you be so absent-minded? - Mom, mommy, but a four is a good mark! This is what I shouldn’t have said. Mom got even more angry: - What are you saying??? Do you think mistakes are good? Why are you so inattentive? - Mom, I tried... - I tried poorly! And in general: DON’T YOU DARE TO MAKE JUSTIFICATIONS!!! These words... like thunder... some kind of horror. After that, I shrank, pulled my head into my shoulders, and grabbed the seat of the chair with my hands, so that my fingers turned white... And I didn’t say anything, but just cried. Quietly so that mom wouldn’t get angry... - And then? - Then I don’t remember. But this happened many more times... We reproduced this scene - the pose, the gesture, the feeling of this same seven-year-old girl on the chair. - What do you feel now, Anna? - Depression... and fear... Yes! And guilt. I’m bad because I made a mistake... And my mother said that she “don’t want to live when you’re wrong...” Since then I’ve been very afraid of making mistakes... As if the lives of people dear to me depend on my mistake. I can't afford to make a mistake. This is scary. I thought I would die of fear when I defended my dissertation... no, not metaphorically. I'll just get a heart attack. Or a stroke. How to publish articles? Them...how scary it is to make a mistake. What's in the body? Where is this fear? - Fear... it's in the mouth. In the throat. I can't speak... I can't say anything in my own defense. Yes... And now. If they reprimand me, that’s it, I want to fall into the ground... and I can’t explain anything. You can't make excuses. I immediately have a spasm in my throat. - And my hands? My hands... tense and constrained... it feels like they are tied. It’s like a rope...I feel it on my hands. Yes, I’m afraid of action. I'm afraid to make mistakes because I CANNOT correct them...my hands are tied...I'm afraid of everything: choosing wallpaper, writing scientific articles, making spontaneous decisions...I'm afraid of taking action...I do. But then I get very worried...and doubt. And often there is no strength to make a choice. It's easier not to... - Can you break this rope? The one whose hands are tied? - Yes. (surprised) It tore so easily... strange... Ah... it's old... like it's not real... Now can I get up from the chair? He tries... He gets up... His back straightens. A new look... Now I can ANSWER my mother: - Mom, mistakes are normal... Mom... Not making mistakes means not living. Mom. I will go. I sat on this chair for a long time... Anna managed. We dealt with this trauma. She is not afraid to act: she tries, acts, makes mistakes and starts again. She writes her articles and.