From the author: The article was published in the newspaper "School Psychologist", June 2011 Many people know about the problems of adolescents from dysfunctional families - the child grows “like grass”, no one takes care of him, often such children are left to their own devices situations where even an adult can save. It is not surprising that they fall into the “risk group”, become members of sects, pathological informal groups, criminal gangs - there they look for support that they cannot get from their families. However, there is another pole, at which children from prosperous families are, they have warm, close relationship with parents and there are a lot of psychological problems. For example, Kirill, 13 years old, acute phobias with panic attacks, periodic attacks of suffocation. The whole family came to the first meeting - mother, father and Kirill. The parents did most of the talking; the boy was passive and apathetic. His whole life is concentrated within the family - his parents are “hikers”, often spending their leisure time in nature, Kirill spends time with adults and younger children. She perceives school as a “forced necessity” and sometimes feigns illness in order to avoid attending classes. Among his peers he is known as a “morbid weirdo”; the guys in his class do not take him seriously. Kirill’s symptom is attacks of suffocation, turning into a fear of suffocation and death. At a symbolic level, it speaks of the “suffocating guardianship” to which a teenager is subjected within the family. Parents love their only son very much, which is why he is so afraid to separate, because no one else will love him like that. Another example is Kira, 15 years old, and mother Natalya. Kira's relationships with her peers do not go well; she is an outcast in class. She has many “masculine” traits in her character - she practices kickboxing and is quite harsh in her actions. When there was a conflict at school with an ex-girlfriend, her mother turned to the head teacher, and Kira was determined to go straight to the police! Natalya had been divorced from Kira’s father for a long time, and at the time of contacting a psychologist she did not have a permanent relationship with a man. Both value each other very much. Kira partly replaces the role of a husband for Natalya - she emotionally supports her in difficult situations, is jealous of her communication with men. I always get tense when at a reception parents (or children) say “We are friends!” In my understanding, this is wrong. Friends are equal, partnerships. First, one “cries into his vest,” then, if necessary, the other. But parents and children normally have different roles. Parents are responsible for their children; they have more power and responsibility. Children are not responsible for their parents and their actions. It’s impossible to be your daughter’s friend and then hope to force her to do something against her will. Natalya and Kira have approximately the same situation. They are friends, closed to each other. It is not surprising that mom cannot build a relationship with a man, and Kira cannot build a relationship with her peers. Quite quickly, Natalya and Kira refused to work with a psychologist. They understood that they would have to change something in the relationship and were not ready for it. Another example is Artem, 12 years old, fears, reluctance to attend school, excessive interest in computers. The three of them came to the reception - mother, father and Artem. The family is outwardly quite prosperous, except for Artem, there is an eldest daughter who studies at the institute chosen by mom and dad. My parents studied at the same university and experienced stress during the years of Perestroika: the engineering profession suddenly became unclaimed and almost at the same time both were laid off from their previous jobs. The family lost their source of livelihood, they looked for a job in their previous specialty for some time, but it didn’t work out, then they decided to hastily retrain. This experience did not pass without a trace, the mother and father are both worried about their son and daughter, how their professional lives will turn out. No one was interested in the daughter’s opinion - what specialty she would like to choose. The university chosen was not very prestigious, but it trained practically oriented specialists in demand on the market. The daughter grew up obedient, did not argue with her parents, and studied well. Artem is completely different in character - he sabotages the school for a long time…