From the author: In this article I summarize the most interesting and useful information about how a psychological consultant can work with a client experiencing loss. Loss - in the global sense of the word - is one of the most difficult experiences In human life. This could be the death of a loved one, divorce from a husband, separation from a loved one, moving of a close friend, etc. … In such situations there is always a feeling of loss. It is often accompanied by grief, disappointment, sadness, depression and guilt. Therefore, clients very often come to a psychologist with precisely this request: “How to cope with a loss?” This article was written for practical psychologists and contains the most effective techniques for working with a client experiencing grief. Stages of experiencing loss Unfortunately, loss cannot be missed - it must be experienced. And in most cases, reducing the intensity of the experience is possible only when the situation itself is over and the client goes through certain stages. This article lists the stages of experiencing the death of a loved one, but clients experience similar feelings in other situations of loss. The first stage is denial. It begins with general shock and stupor that lasts about 9 days. The person does not believe what happened and, most importantly, is not able to believe it. This lack of faith can be expressed in constant questioning. The client may have dreams about someone they have lost, or they may constantly communicate with them internally. A person can be either numb (“frozen in his grief”) or fussy and active (can organize a funeral, actively support others). This does not mean that the second option is better - it is just a different option for adaptation and behavior in a situation of loss. At this stage, a person may cease to understand who he is, where he is and why (the phenomenon of “depersonalization”). This reaction may persist for a short time. You can help a person get out of this state if you call him by name, touch him more often, work with his body - in general, focus on his self-awareness. If you, as a psychologist, see signs of depression or even suicidal thoughts in a client, then in this case it is necessary to redirect the client to a psychotherapist or psychiatrist. In general terms, denial lasts about 40 days. Stage 2 – aggression. The person not only doesn’t believe it, he’s angry about what happened. The object of the client's anger can be fate, God, or someone he considers to blame for what happened. At its core, it is an attempt to gain control. In a constructive way, aggression can be directed at the cause that caused the grief, but often nothing can be changed in life. This can lead to aggression being directed towards oneself or loved ones. Decisions made at this stage can lead to negative consequences for relationships, causing damage to property and a person’s condition. Stage 3 – bargaining. A person directs his energy to “buying himself out of grief.” At this moment, he can turn to fate, to any higher powers in order to conclude an agreement - I will / will not do this, and let everything return to its previous state. A person can pay by changing his behavior, making donations, or deciding to devote time and energy to something related to the cause of grief. However, for the most part, he is disappointed, since grief and loss turn out to be irreversible. Stage 4 - depression. Emotional reactions are impoverished, sleep and appetite are disturbed, irritation appears, tears do not bring relief. Most often they have the character of withdrawal, a decrease in any activity - the person gives up. Pain is experienced. It comes in “waves”: it seems to let go, then it intensifies again. This happens because a person learns to manage his grief, but this does not always work out. About 3 months after the loss, an exacerbation of the depressive state may occur due to exhaustion of strength: the person thinks that he will never feel good again, because... the pain is very strong. During this period, the client, as a rule, cries less.A person must learn to live without the deceased, fulfilling his duties. As a marker of the dynamics of the experiencing process, it may be that during this period the deceased dreams differently (in the other world). The 5th stage is acceptance. During this period, pain relief occurs, which lasts up to a year. A person fully accepts his loss, and a new life is gradually built. New connections appear with people who know the person in a new capacity. A person’s thoughts return to everything good that is connected with what brought him grief. The situation that caused grief is now perceived as part of life - it has its beginning, development and completion. The feeling of inner support returns, strength and emotions of the entire spectrum return, a person begins to think about the future. Only at the fifth stage can a person make decisions about what conclusions to draw, whether to change something and, if so, how. The loss is placed in one’s own picture of the world and completed as a situation. Techniques for working with a client When a client experiencing a loss comes to you for a consultation, it is very important to correctly build a strategy for working with him. It is certainly different from simply listening and talking. A psychologist can use special techniques and experiments in his work to help the client better assimilate the experience he receives. Each stage has its own techniques, so I will list them in chronological order. The initial task for the counseling psychologist is to help the client perceive the reality of the loss. Firstly, it is important to simply listen to the client - everything he will say about his loss. This helps bring the loss into the awareness zone. Secondly, awareness of the reality of loss is facilitated by culturally accepted rituals of farewell to loss - this is a kind of Gestalt experiment, a safe way to experience thoughts or actions that are indigestible or uncomfortable. Thirdly, the 2-chairs technique works great at this stage. On the one hand, it’s cognitive, “I know you’re dead,” and on the other, it’s emotional, “I can’t accept this.” The Gestalt approach supports resistance by viewing it as an adaptation to the imbalance caused by the loss, a defense against something that is too painful. This allows you to gradually accept the loss. The second task is to experience pain. It is very important for the client to recognize their symptoms as completely normal. This can help by periodically emphasizing that he is not alone in this situation, and many people experience similar things and go through exactly the same path. The client must allow himself to feel the emotions that he feels: sadness, sadness, depression, guilt and anger. To help the client deal with them, you can try using the circle technique. Its essence is simple: a circle is created in which the client can express his strongest emotions - scream, howl, swear, etc. ... The important thing is that by releasing these emotions outward, they can be kept within the circle, and they will not harm either the client or his loved ones. Next, the client must adapt to the absence of the other person. It is necessary to help him compensate for all the functions and roles that the deceased played for the client. This could be communication, trust, love, respect, housework, care, finances. It is important to make a creative adaptation to the changed reality, i.e. adapt to what is, change oneself and reorganize the environment. Unfortunately, it is at this moment that support from society ends, and a person who still needs it is forced to turn to a psychologist for help. It is necessary to teach the client to provide self-support. It has several levels: mastering new practical skills. The client is deprived of something in his life along with the loss of an important person, and he needs to learn to satisfy his own needs, for example, in finances and cleanliness. The psychologist helps clients find resources for acquiring new skills. changing themselves and