From the author: Nowadays, in the era of cartoons with monsters and Spider-Man, with the TV and computer always on, a child’s fantasies often frighten adults. The number of children's fears and ways of manipulating parents with the help of lies has sharply increased. Let's try to figure it out. Children's fantasies: lies or fiction? (Advice from a psychologist) Many children like to fantasize. Sometimes this upsets parents, because sometimes it can be quite difficult to distinguish a child’s fantasy from reality. What to do with children's fantasies: encourage and develop them or wage a decisive fight against them? How to determine where is fantasy and where is lies? A child’s imagination begins to actively develop by the age of 2.5 – 3 years. Before this, in the game, preparation takes place (the child plays with substitute objects, immerses himself in the world of a fairy tale, etc.) Children in the game use two parallel realities: in one (real) they are children, in the other (fantasy) they are cowboys , police officers, etc. By the age of 4, the line between fiction and reality becomes clear, but before this age it can be “blurred.” You can understand that your baby has begun to actively fantasize and at the same time separate fantasies from reality when the words “pretend” and “as if” appear in his speech. Sometimes, the fruits of a child’s imagination frighten adults; children’s fears are too clearly visible in them, aggression, rivalry, dislike for brothers and sisters, rejection by parents... And of course, often, parents cannot understand whether their child is deceiving or simply fantasizing. Situation: A child is afraid to go to bed and tells his parents that a monster lives under his bed. This is not a “sick” imagination. The child goes through a period of fear (from 3 to 5 years). It is important that these fears are voiced so that parents do not devalue them with the words “Don’t make it up,” etc. Call on your good fantasies to help and together you will win (“Magic Lantern”, “Good Fairy”, etc.)! Turn off the TV and computer before your child goes to bed (2 hours before). Don’t read disturbing, scary fairy tales at night. The most unpleasant discovery of childhood for parents is the child’s first lie. A lie, unlike fantasy, is a deliberate distortion of information for the purpose of obtaining personal gain. Fantasies are a flight of thought, without causing harm to anyone. Deception begins to flourish after 3.5 years. For some children, lying is a means of manipulating parents or a method of self-defense. The main reasons why a child lies: Fear of too harsh punishment. (The punishment should be proportionate to the child’s “offence”: for a broken cup, sweep up the fragments and apologize) Many prohibitions (If a child is prohibited from everything, but he really wants to, then he will resort to lies) The desire to appear better than he is or to “earn love, attention” " If you catch a child lying about his “fictitious” successes, perhaps he lacks your support and approval. For self-justification. The child must be made to understand that you love him, even if “he started the fight first,” etc. Pathological lies. This is a psychiatric phenomenon, not a psychological one. Rarely seen. The child lies because he cannot help but lie. If your child is under six years old and loves to make up stories (and you have ruled out the reasons mentioned above), then congratulations! Your child is developing normally and exploring the world of fantasy. We, adults, must help children distinguish between the fantasy world and the real world, and do this as gently and correctly as possible. If you find that a child has lied: Do not dramatize the situation! Make it clear that you know about the lie and condemn this act (The act, not the child’s personality as a whole!) Talk to the child about how you could do without lying. Talk to the child about what if guilty - it’s better to tell the truth. Think about the reason for the lie. If you have identified the reason, think about how you can correct the situation. Do not provoke lies with questions that are already difficult to answer (Who do you love more?) Do not lie yourself, in the presence of children. Remember that most children go through a period of lying without becoming pathological liars.!