Bondareva M.Yu. For parents who want to take a child into the family Dear reader, if you are reading these lines, then probably the topic of foster family does not leave you indifferent. Maybe you have already thought about the question: “Should we take a child into the family?”, but you are tormented by doubts: “Am I ready or ready to make such an important decision in my life? Do I have enough strength? The process of accepting a child into a family can be compared to the physiological process of giving birth to a child. Potential parents first “bear” the very idea of ​​adopting a child; for everyone, this period lasts a different amount of time before the family becomes adopted. But it is during this period that potential parents must look deep into themselves and answer the question: “Why am I taking a child?” This question is key to making the final decision. After all, how successful you will be as a foster parent and how harmonious your child’s entry into the family will depend on your motivation. If, when answering this question, the main motive is expectations associated with solving any problems of various kinds - from material to psychological, then experts can give a definite answer - you are not yet ready to become a foster parent. A child should not become a means of achieving harmony and happiness in the family. The child from the orphanage really needs them. And if, when answering the question: “Why am I taking a child?”, you first of all think about the child, that you want to share a piece of your soul, teach what you know and can do, and at the same time have no illusions that all this should return to you from the child with renewed strength and gratitude, then you are on the right path. We have dealt with the most important issue. But this is not the only moment that determines your readiness as a parent. No less important is your answer to the question: “What kind of child do I want to see when he grows up, what will our relationship be like?” This is a question about your expectations. A successful adoptive family adequately assesses the child’s capabilities and allows the grown-up son or daughter to make their own informed choice, showing parental wisdom. No less important is the question that is often asked by both potential and established adoptive parents: “How will bad genes and heredity affect the child’s personality?” In such cases, experts answer that a person differs from an animal in that he is social by nature. It is important for him to interact with people who are significant to him, from whom he adopts social, ethical, moral norms and principles. And if your family respects the adopted child’s past, no matter how “terrible” it was, then the child will feel like a complete person. After all, you accept him as he is. Parents often confuse the concepts of “heredity” with “life attitudes.” There is no such heredity in medicine as “prostitution” or “theft”; there is a life orientation towards this model. With this knowledge, a successful foster parent will provide positive life guidance to the child. For example: “When you grow up, you will be a wonderful wife for your husband and a loving mother for your children” or “You can always rely on our son, he is growing up independent and responsible.” It is important not only to say this, but also to believe, to build your model of family relationships according to positive attitudes. At the same time, we should not forget that almost every child in an orphanage has experienced a traumatic experience and has developed defense mechanisms that allowed him to survive in a difficult situation for him. Therefore, a successful foster parent must treat the child tenderly and reverently, but at the same time firmly stand on vital ethical and moral principles, because you are taking the child not for a while, but forever. A successful family is a family in which conflicts are not perceived as something tragic and insoluble. In a successful family, conflict is seen as just another.