Once again about adaptation...mom's adaptation to kindergarten. Entering kindergarten is always a test for both: both mother and child. Most parents realize that their child should be prepared for kindergarten. But they often forget to prepare themselves for this important event. The success and ease of a child’s adaptation to kindergarten largely depends on the state of your child’s health, his age, individual characteristics, the degree to which he has developed the necessary skills, events happening in your family, etc. And the child seems to be ready for admission to kindergarten in all respects. garden, but is mom ready? Sometimes it turns out that the mother’s “unpreparedness for kindergarten” is one of the reasons for the child’s difficult adaptation. How you can “interfere” with your child’s adaptation: Doubt about the advisability of attending kindergarten. It happens that a mother, who does not see herself outside the situation of caring for a child, experiences special pleasure when her daughter or son does not want to go to kindergarten, thereby transmitting to them on a subconscious level her interest in such behavior. If parents doubt the advisability of “kindergarten education,” then the child uses any hesitation of the parents in order not to go to kindergarten. It is important for mothers to understand that attending kindergarten is really necessary for the family. The fewer doubts a mother has about the advisability of attending kindergarten, the more confidence that the child will cope. Maybe not right away, but definitely! The child will react precisely to your confident position, and will get used to kindergarten faster. Feeling guilty in front of the child for having to start going to kindergarten. At the beginning of visiting kindergarten, parents often try to shower their children with various gifts and try to entertain the child during this difficult period with trips to the circus, zoo, or cafe. By being led by “your guilt,” you are thereby sending a signal to your child that you are taking him to some terrible place. In addition, numerous “going out” puts even more strain on the child’s nervous system. It’s better to spend more time with your child in a familiar home environment, play together and talk. Negative experiences of parents. Children copy us on a subconscious level. You can assure him that you are going to a wonderful place, that teachers, other children, toys are waiting for you there, but if you yourself do not believe in what you are saying, then you will not deceive your child. We all come from childhood. “We live with our hearts wrapped in adhesive tape. Instead of treating our wounds, we tape them up and pretend that everything is fine... When a child is born, we have less and less strength to pretend; we can no longer endure the constant pain in our souls. In addition, the baby always strives to touch this particular place, to step on our favorite callus. When he enters the most difficult age for us, it means that this is precisely the age when it was difficult for us in our childhood. Some people find it very difficult with infants. Most likely, it was during this period that something difficult happened to you. Maybe, according to Spock, you were put to sleep alone in a room? Or did they feed once every three hours? Or did mom already go to work then? Some people find it difficult with one-year-olds. For example, from about one to two years old, children are a very difficult age for me personally - they are too difficult for me. Because at that time I went to nursery, and too much changed for me. Some people find it very difficult with three-year-olds who so desperately defend their rights. Maybe you didn’t have such rights? It is difficult for some to survive the period of narcissism of a child when he requires so much attention and admiration. It is difficult for some to answer billions of questions, perhaps because they were simply silenced at that age. And so on. A child is an excellent indicator of our mental health and our maturity. You can track andwhat age you are stuck at. When it suddenly begins to seem to you that you can’t give your child anything else and you don’t understand what to do with him. This can happen suddenly at seven, ten, fifteen years old. This is just a call from above - pay attention to your wounds covered with adhesive tape! It's time to treat them! It's time to rip off the bandages, face the truth and heal. Disinfect, clean, sometimes even stitch up by a specialist. And also, “give it time to heal” - this is a subtle and accurate remark by O. Valyaeva, author of the book “The Purpose of Being a Mother.” If you had a negative experience of visiting a kindergarten, where you were not loved, and where “you were cold, lonely and uncomfortable,” then your sad memories will make you worry more (“so that this doesn’t happen to him”), and this is a must affect the child. I don’t like the teacher. A meeting with a teacher is always very exciting for parents. And sometimes relationships with a teacher do not develop immediately. There are many reasons for disagreements with the teacher: you don’t like her tone, sometimes even her appearance, the amount of attention to your child, the fact that she forgot to take off the second T-shirt carefully put on the child by the father, the child walks in sandals put on the wrong foot or, In your opinion, she simply cannot stand your child. In addition, every caring parent has his own opinion about how to raise children. And it happens that a personal parental program does not fit well with the practice of a particular teacher or nanny, or with the kindergarten program in general. And then it may seem to parents that teachers are terrible people whose goal is to harm your child. Try to find an approach to the teacher and make friends with him. If you intend to use the services of the state preschool education system, immediately stop any complaints about the “ugly teacher” and the “killer regime.” Your child will explain your negative attitude towards kindergarten as follows: “Mom and dad take me to places where it’s bad, which means they don’t love me and I’m bad.” Childhood neurosis (and constant colds as a result) develops not because “children are spoiled in kindergarten,” but because the baby suspects that mom and dad stopped loving him and abandoned him. Here is an appeal from child psychologist O. Garanina to parents: “Understand and believe that kindergarten teachers are doing their job, and every child is part of it for them. And don't let this scare you. It is much better for the child’s psychological health when the teacher treats him as a job, and not as a specific child who causes him affection or, conversely, some hostility. All children are completely different. Yes, there are those who look like little angels and make you want to hug and kiss them. But what about those that look “ordinary”? If the teacher communicated with children on the principle of “like or dislike,” more than half of the children in the group would remain “overboard” from this attention. Therefore, a competent specialist, deep down in his soul, can have any attitude towards a particular child, but outwardly he is positive and neutral towards each of them. He just works with them. First, show respect for the person who spends 7-10 hours a day with your child. Show basic rules of decency and politeness.• Remember that the teacher is not your personal employee, to whom you can tell how to work correctly.• Ask the teacher for advice on any issue about raising children (what literature to read, how best to develop fine motor skills, etc.). Even if you are a hundred and fifty times sure that this person knows less than you about raising children, still ask for advice. It is not at all necessary to follow it, just show that the opinion of the teacher as a specialist is important to you. In addition, the advice may turn out to be practical.• If in everyday communication the teacher makes comments to you about your child, try not to argue or shout,and listen. What if you find out something interesting about your baby? • Do not refuse teachers help - we are talking about cleanup days and other similar events. If you are asked to help in some matter for the group, know that you are asked not out of harm, but out of necessity. If you want to completely conquer the teachers, then offer your help yourself. • Together with your child, make some kind of gift for the teacher at home - a postcard or a drawing. And don’t count on the fact that expensive store-bought gifts are the way out of the situation! Not every teacher will appreciate your “efforts” in this case. • When communicating with the teacher, express your wishes, not complaints about his work. And at least sometimes try to understand the motives for this or that action. • If any conflict situations arise, do not rush to break down and blame the teacher. No matter how angry you are, try to calmly talk about what happened - find out the reasons for the situation and express the hope that this will not happen again.• Know that no teacher will deliberately risk his life and work by being negligent towards children , because the legislation quite clearly defines the penalties in each case for professional errors. • Make an effort and find something that you like about this person! Well, at least try." Perhaps after a while you will remember with a smile that this sweet woman once annoyed you!" Inconsistency. During the period of adaptation to kindergarten, it is important to observe the principle of systematicity and consistency. It is more difficult for a child to get used to kindergarten inconstancy, if you go to kindergarten today and don’t go tomorrow because it’s raining, you overslept, you went to bed late, your mom just doesn’t want it, “he’s crying so much today that I’m afraid to leave him.” Using conversations about kindergarten as a means of intimidation Sometimes parents threaten. a child in a kindergarten as a punishment for disobedience (“If you don’t obey, I’ll send you to kindergarten!”). Adults expressing negativity and dissatisfaction with the kindergarten and its employees in the presence of the child can also lead to the formation of the wrong attitude in your child. You should avoid talking about the baby’s tears. with other family members in his presence. But be sure to show and emphasize his new status. Parents’ unpreparedness for the child’s negative reaction to the preschool. Many features of a child’s behavior during the period of adaptation to kindergarten frighten parents so much that they think that perhaps their child is “non-kindergarten,” and most likely he will not be able to get used to kindergarten. But this is a common misconception. Every mother should understand that those behavioral features that worry her very much at the beginning of kindergarten training are basically typical for all children. What typical changes in a child’s behavior during the adaptation period can you encounter: - strongly expressed negative emotions (from whining, “crying for company” to constant paroxysmal crying). The child cries, and the parents experience a strong feeling of guilt, only making the situation worse. No matter how strange it may sound, crying during adaptation is the norm. And the louder the crying, the sooner it will end. If your child cries when parting, this does not mean that adaptation is going badly. If the child calms down within a few minutes after the mother leaves, then everything is fine. The child needs time and the opportunity to “grieve”, to experience the loss of some of the pleasures of home life. Crying is an assistant to the nervous system, it prevents it from being overloaded. - manifestations of fear (the child is clearly afraid to go to kindergarten, is afraid of the teacher or that the mother will not return for him). - manifestations of anger (when the baby breaks free, not allowing himself to be undressed, or may even hit an adult who is about to leave him). - depressive reactions and “lethargy”, as if there were no emotions at all. - changes in behavior (for example, a decrease in social activity, when even sociable, optimistic children become