Couples come to me who unanimously say: “He (She) does not value me and takes everything that I do for granted.” Have you ever felt that your partner accepts your actions as a matter of course? Feeling unappreciated? As if what I do is not important, not necessary... Sometimes in our lives we ignore or belittle positive things. We focus all our attention on the negative aspects. By devaluing positive intentions and actions in a relationship, you may lose sight of a strong connection with your partner and positive behavior. Then your partner feels unimportant to you. The result that the partner comes to is: “Why, in fact, do something and the point of creating something positive?” An alternative to devaluation is reinforcement of positive actions. Tell your partner about the emotions that arose from his action: “I am so pleased , that you took a minute to find out about my work.” Notice simple things, for example, when a partner helped you, agreed with you, paid attention, time. So a biased judgment: “He (She) does nothing for me!” is neutralized by the existence of positive aspects of your relationship. And when we praise our partner, we increase the frequency of good and pleasant actions on his part. Answer these questions honestly: • what is the cost of ignoring and devaluing positive aspects in a relationship? • focusing on the negative will help you get closer to your partner? • write down every day ( for fourteen days) positive things and actions/deeds that your partner does. This way, you can strengthen your relationship and your partner will soon notice, celebrate and appreciate your actions, because family is a system! And as you know: if you change one mechanism or part in the system, then the whole system changes. I wish you to feel valuable and important in the relationship. Take a bold step forward. Start grabbing your partner first. This way your relationship will move to a mature level of love and mutual understanding..