"I made an interesting observation: people often focus on the opposite sex to raise their self-esteem. That is, it turns out that in order to increase your own self-esteem, to be convinced of your own attractiveness, you need to seduce (to please) as many women/men as possible. But in the end it turns out that appetites are growing and you need to surround yourself with the attention of more and more beautiful girls or wonderful guys, but for some reason your self-esteem does not grow...” “SELF-ESTEEM is a person’s assessment of himself, his capabilities, qualities and place among other people” / Psychological Dictionary / To raise self-esteem, people often focus on the external environment, that is, self-confidence is gained through attention and praise from other people. And in order to gain confidence and self-worth, you have to constantly focus on other people and be good for them, so that they would praise and positively evaluate. In principle, we can say that people focused on a constant search for external approval are people with low self-esteem, and it doesn’t matter that sometimes such people give the impression of self-confident people. After all, the slightest negative review and criticism can destroy all self-esteem and self-confidence in such people. Self-esteem is, of course, an internal state... And until a person is internally confident in himself, he will be forced to raise his self-esteem dubious actions aimed at the admiration of others. But much of what is internal to a person now was once external. So our inner confidence is dictated by how we were perceived and how our parents or those who replaced them supported us. And it’s no secret that, as an adult, a person looks for parental figures in his environment from whom he tries to receive what he did not receive from his parents... But are we choosing the right figures? After all, it often turns out that a man is chosen to take the place of the mother figure and vice versa... For example, a woman, very often, in order to receive confirmation of her feminine attractiveness and gain her feminine identity, for some reason looks for a man, although for this she needs a woman. After all, a girl’s femininity is formed in her relationship with her mother, who must show her daughter how to be a woman and, most importantly, recognize a woman in her daughter! And if the mother never recognized a woman in her daughter, did not teach her how to be a woman, then no man can fill this void, if only because this is not his function... Therefore, as the French said “cherchez la femme” / search a woman/. A similar situation arises among men who are looking for their masculine identity in women, although they should look among men, among father figures. For another example, choosing the wrong object, I would like to take self-esteem of oneself as a professional, for the maintenance of which many people need an assessment of their activities other people. An interesting fact is that the field of activity of the evaluator is not at all important, and even a “person without hearing or voice” can reduce the self-esteem of a musician and singer with his critical remark. Or the lawyer will evaluate the professionalism of the builder and make comments on how to build a house or create a project... It’s somehow stupid to trust the assessment of your professionalism to people who understand nothing about their profession, or to people who know nothing about this profession those who are not professionals in their field (or whom we do not consider professionals) have not achieved it. In my opinion, if you rely on someone’s opinion, then on the opinion of people who were really able to realize themselves in a similar profession and achieve success in it.