...And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors... Words of the prayer “Our Father” Has anyone done anything bad to you? For example, did you say unpleasant words, do things that made you feel bad, or cause physical pain...? If so, then most likely in response to this behavior you felt anger, resentment, guilt or shame. These are the ones ( these experiences) and color the words and actions of other people in dark tones. Moreover, sometimes so much that life loses all other colors. To prevent this from happening, psychologists recommend that we get rid of negativity. And, in my opinion, this can really be done only in two ways: through revenge or through forgiveness. Everything else will be just a doomed attempt to forget, to force an unpleasant episode out of memory. The energy of aggression, born in response to the “evil” caused, always seeks a way out. And sooner or later he finds it. We take revenge: on the offender, on an innocent person, or on ourselves. But we always take revenge. Unless, of course, we decide to forgive. It would seem that the second path is simpler, more civilized and not fraught (as is the case with an attempt at revenge) with additional risks. Therefore, it is wiser to choose him rather than try to become the Count of Monte Cristo. However, he has one problem - few people manage to forgive the offender for real and for a long time, despite the efforts made. Why? In my opinion, because it is impossible to forgive someone who did not ask for it. And this is exactly what the majority is trying to do. If your offender did not say the words “Forgive me,” your attempt to forgive him will only be a claim to become God, divorced from reality. However, judging by religious texts, even He does not try to forgive those who do not repent. What then should one do (if one does not want to take revenge, but one does not ask for forgiveness)? In my opinion, often those who do not fully understand do not apologize that he hurt someone else. Or who simply does not find the right moment for this. In this case, you can call such people for a conversation. And tell them that you are experiencing pain (sadness, despair, shame, etc.) in response to a certain behavior of theirs. It is important not to blame people (which would be a type of revenge), but simply tell them about your experiences. If they will hear you and ask for forgiveness, you will be able to forgive them truly and for a long time. If they don’t hear, repeat the story a little later. If they don’t ask, you always have the opportunity to directly invite them to do this (for example, for the sake of your relationship). in the same case, if you come across ignorance or ridicule in response to revelations...... There is another way (within the framework of the Law, of course). PS If you are interested in my thoughts on the psychology of men, subscribe to me (by clicking on the button below) and to my telegram - channel “Men’s House of Dmitry Trefilov” - https://t.me/manrise_psy