How not to be disappointed in yourself and your future? How not to expect? How to do it easily and simply, and not stressing over the idea that something might not work out? How to stop being afraid of failure, failure, losing, etc. In practice, I often encounter a hidden fear of defeat. Darling comes to the meeting - she speaks beautifully, fluently, smart, life experience is present, she puts everything in its place and even names the reasons for her behavior, clearly forms the request, BUT! there are basic blocks: 1 - comes with the feeling that he knows everything, that is, does not even allow for the option of resolution, knows that there is definitely no door - but searches intensely; 2 - comes with conclusions and reasons that are convenient for the Mind to maintain the comfort zone of the Mind , this is the syndrome “I found it - I did as they said, I waited - but it doesn’t work”; 3 - comes with the conviction that you definitely need to change for the sake of your desires and change precisely in the foundation of your nature, character, values; you have to sacrifice your values, what is important, for the sake of what is also important. Then comes the subconscious choice of the most fundamental values. And all this is connected with the fear of disappointment, in the process - you will see. Today we are talking about some delusions, false conclusions and true simple reasons, which the Mind often excludes as a very simple explanation, burying itself in the jungle. Let's start from the beginning, what is disappointment? Disappointment is discrepancy between expectation and reality. How to avoid, eliminate, eliminate disappointment and the possibility itself? No way. This is the paradox, disappointment is a state that must be accepted now - even if it is a reaction to one thought or idea, otherwise you will have to be disappointed in real life. The reason for the expectations that form disappointment? But here, we should look in more detail. The very nature of expectations is always borrowed. We are not born with expectations about ourselves - we are born pure, and even if we take into account the fact that we are born with karmic tasks, the path of the soul, for evolution and so on - an unclogged brain - simply moves through life in accordance with its internal sense of self. That is - the expectation program itself is always formed due to the fact that in childhood the child experienced disappointment in himself from the outside. And here there are a hundred variations: - I did it, but not well enough; - I didn’t do it, but I should have; - any form of comparison with a minus or plus sign: you are better..., you are worse..., here is Masha..., and you...; all children are like children, and ours... there is a black mark in the family... Moreover, this is said out loud - everything is clear with this, remember, work out, disassemble, understand the reason and go live your life. There is also a hidden form of expectation, which the child perceives distortedly. A child is born with the feeling that life is love, joy and celebration, an exciting journey, where everything is new, interesting, from a worm to the stars... and then he finds himself among people who are dissatisfied, who are sad, worried, distort feelings and thoughts - the child’s antennae get stuck, he doesn’t understand anything at all, BUT he takes a lot of things personally. And if the parents do not explain to the child that their feelings, states and emotions have nothing to do with the child, the child automatically considers himself guilty, because most often all internal negativity is poured onto the child as a safe source. Sometimes the wisest parents try to protect the child from scandals, from tears, from pain, from explanations, from their own weaknesses and fears - thereby showing the child again the program “that this is bad, this is not possible, this is forbidden.” All these suppressed emotions, behavior, the inconsistency of feelings and words forms programs in the child’s brain about what I should be and what I should not be. And with such a regime of expectations about himself, the child grows up, continues to explore this world, consolidates these programs on personal experience, due to which beliefs become narrower the law of life... and after... in some wonderful period of life, patience runs outlimit point and we begin to look for a way out of our own conclusion. Now let’s look at how the mind hides programs of disappointment and expectation, how this interferes and what to do about it. How does the mind turn the arrows to unnecessary reasons? How does consciousness not see the true reason? An example of a relationship: Masha comes and says everything is fine, dad, mom are good, accepted the family, forgave, loved..., the first husband is good, but it so happened that he left, apparently I did something wrong, I forgave, the second husband is also good - but again, apparently I’m not giving something - he doesn’t bring money. And the Woman lists trainings, courses, names of famous psychologists, books... - in general, I’ve been working on myself for 5 years - I know everything, men pay attention - but something like this. At the same time, a state of dissatisfaction with oneself, a certain disappointment in oneself, albeit hidden or implicit. The good girl syndrome, perfectionism and the diagnosis “I always have to do everything perfectly” are evident. And it would seem that what’s wrong with that? Aspiration, self-improvement, determination, desire to develop... But the very reason that pushes this woman to forgive, accept, work on herself - the very goal “to be good so that others will appreciate and love” - is unconscious and unattainable, while the goal gives rise to dependence - and the other pole is to avoid dependence. Over time, ardor will moderate, ambition will be replaced by disappointment, and attempts will simply stop. I emphasize in working on oneself that one should not give up something or somehow ignore the desire for some comfort or turn a blind eye to any discomfort, but one should reach the end and the root cause. It's like an onion - until you reach the middle, you won't know that there's just emptiness there; It’s the same in life, until you reach death - you won’t realize that the meaning was in the process, and not in some goal. Let's get to the root of the cause, motivation and behavior. Let us remember that the very passionate desire (we are talking about those desires that cause dependence, bitterness, doubts, fears, unreality) of something in the future is like correcting something in the past. We do not take into account desires that are beyond doubt. We know the past - therefore it is easier to turn there than to the unknown future. Why even consider your desires-dependencies and work with the program of expectation-disappointment? For freedom of action and for completing lessons, otherwise the Mind will keep attention on this constantly and at the same time take it to the side, you seem to see, you seem to want... but all the time you seem to bypass it, they say I’m done I know, there’s no rush... I’ll do it tomorrow... I’m busy tomorrow... then. At the same time, thoughts spin and attention returns to desire, in our example around relationships and around the idea that “I am not yet good enough to be a happy and loved woman... but I am learning.” You can, of course, simply live and life itself will teach you everything through realities - you can speed up the process and use your consciousness and brains, which actually reproduce the scenery for the experience of your darling. The very idea of ​​I’m doing something wrong, or I’m somehow not This one already contains a grain of disappointment. The very idea that I should somehow change myself for relationships, for money, for opportunities, for fulfillment, for fulfilling a mission - the very idea is wrong. To change, we naturally change every moment, but to correct ourselves - no, to accept ourselves and to know our essence, our nature - before, to correct ourselves to conform to some image, standard, norm - no. And here we come to the conclusion that was preceded by all this verbal foreplay. The very desire, the very idea within you to be someone else, to correct yourself somehow, to improve yourself somehow, and so on, is caused by the fear of being disappointed in yourself. On the surface, this fear comes out as disappointing mom, dad, uncle, man, God, boss - any person (image, idea) that gives a feeling of need or care. As a result, the fear of disappointing threatens with denial of love. That is, in the subconscious sits the idea that if I disappoint, I will not justify,!