From the author: Violation of the relationship between parents and children is always painful and, as practice has shown, a broad and relevant topic for many. Let me generalize the causes and consequences of disruption of parent-child relationships. And on behalf of the collective image of Mom, talk to Daughters of any age. Why should you ask your own children for forgiveness? Should we or should we not? Each of us has the right to our own life experience and our own view on this topic. I will give the answers that, in my opinion, I most often hear during therapy sessions: - Forgiveness? Your own children? Yes, they should ask me for forgiveness for the fact that we (the parents) raised, fed, taught, dressed, put on shoes, for everything that he/she has done in his/her life. We put in so much effort and gave up so much. And they? Where is the gratitude? - Yes, I am guilty before the child. I look at his life, and everything is wrong there! My heart hurts for him. I want to help, but he/she doesn’t hear me. - What do I have to do with this? We, parents, are the children of our parents, and they are theirs. First of all, we use the experience of our parents, and only then we decide whether to leave the previous experience or get a different, new one. This is the responsibility of an adult child. This is the law of life. What experience did you get from your parents? When YOU are a child, then adults make decisions for you. If YOU are an adult, then the opportunity to change a lot in your own life is your conscious choice. Daughter, forgive me! In each individual family situation, there is an awareness of the consequences of your own relationships with children. The following phrases are born: Daughter, forgive me for being your mother for the first time. I learned to be a mother and made mistakes. I'm sorry that I'm giving up my life and trying to change yours. I'm sorry, I don't trust you. Daughter, I'm sorry that I wanted love from you, which I lacked. I waited and was offended. You can't be my mom, dad, or husband. You are only my daughter and will always be only my daughter, and I am your mother. You can only be a MOTHER for your children. Daughter, forgive me for saying: “You should live better than me.” I didn’t understand that I was frightening you with these phrases. The bewilderment from these phrases only strengthened the fear of this world, I thought that this statement would help you be successful. Forgive me for the fact that because of the fear of death, the fear of losing you, I constantly looked after you, did not allow you to be independent, did not let you go from you. I knew better than you what you wanted. Only now I saw the consequences of such hyper-care. Forgive me for not trusting you and not teaching you to live independently and easily solve everyday problems, to act and not wait. I did not teach you to “want”, anticipating your desires and anticipating them . I'm sorry that I taught you to only receive. Even now, when you are an adult, I try to predict your desires. This is true! Understand, it is very difficult to give up your habits. I'm sorry that I convince you to give up your own desires, because I rely on my capabilities, because I want to take part in your life. I want you to be dependent on me. Sorry! My distrust is due to the fact that I did not teach you to distinguish between what is dangerous and what is safe for you in this life. That's why you're scared. I “beat my hands” and said: “You can’t!” But I should have said: “Danger!” I’m sorry that most often, when returning from work, I complained out loud about adversity, problems, everyday situations and crises, about my dad, forgetting to talk about how I cope with it, how happy I am that I have you and HIM. It is possible that this is why you were stuck in a “childhood” age, so as not to take responsibility for yourself, so as not to live an “adult” life. Every moment, every moment was given to me to enjoy your existence. Just enjoy how you grow, mature, learn to be. I'm sorry that I brushed aside your questions, tears, cuddles then, in childhood, in adolescence. You learned that you don't need to bother your mom,.