So, continuing thoughts about children and their childhood strategies for achieving joy and happiness. Strategy No. 3. Professional whining. If the child is unable to influence the parent through a smile (well, the parent doesn’t want to smile), then the child turns on plan B. Namely, whining. He does this with precision, I choose the “victim” who will definitely make contact, and will do it in the most open (and therefore desirable) way. Most often, children whine to their mothers and grandmothers, although a father in an irritated state can also come up (and he begins to feel sorry for the child, only he did not bother him). The range of topics for whining is very wide. From “vava” (sore), the behavior of another adult or child, one’s own failures, to fears, a quarrel between parents or tasteless food. The purpose of whining is to gain an influx of positive mood through active, caring attention from an adult. The peculiarity of this strategy is that the child can refuse it...at any second. Actually, he smiles already at the moment when they begin to feel sorry for him. This is especially clearly visible if the child is picked up and his face is out of sight of the parent. Therefore, it is not difficult for a child to move on to any other activity right in the process of whining. If, of course, the parent quickly realizes that whining is not a universal grief (read below). Another interesting feature of whining will be its adult defectiveness. Have you seen how adults whine? They do this for a long time, consistently and... somehow doomed. For a child, whining is a game with a known prize. For an adult, it’s walking through a minefield. For a child, saying “pity me” costs nothing. And an adult (not always, fortunately) does not even know HOW to ask for this. In addition, the adult becomes so immersed in self-pity that he can stew in his inner “swamp” for a long time. Things are a little better for adults in love games - there whining clearly has the properties of play manipulation, and therefore approaches the child’s original strategy. And further. An adult is forced to evaluate even how they will treat him after he has allowed himself to understand (read, weakness). As a result, one of the child’s most favorite games becomes practically inaccessible to him. Strategy No. 4. Universal grief. Remember for yourself the moment when the child fell or hit himself, that is, the situation when he was really hurt. What does the child do immediately? Figuratively speaking, he turns himself into “burn it all with a blue flame” mode or turns off some kind of internal fuse, starts yelling, crying so loudly and desperately that the parents suddenly fall into panic. It seems to them that it is becoming impossible to stop the child. And fear forces parents to suppress the child’s natural defense mechanism (after all, the child can realize his emotions and calmly move on to the joy of life). Parents ask the child to calm down, pull himself together, get angry with him, appeal to the fact that “nothing terrible happened.” Instead of mechanically accepting the child's grief. And why all? Yes, because they themselves cannot afford this. Perhaps during a session of body-oriented or transpersonal psychotherapy. And even then, they have to be prepared for this for a long time. Social attitudes prevent a person from grieving. What will others think? What will they say? How will they react? The settings immediately come to mind. You can't roll on the floor. You can't moan too loudly. You cannot do this at work, on the street, in transport, near your home. Even at home you can only cry into... your pillow!!! But when the child has completed his grief process (and this is not days or hours, but minutes at most), the child falls asleep, cuddles up to the parent or reaches for something that immediately gives him the opportunity to smile. Strategy #5: Breaking the rules. Oh, it's an adult pet peeve. All parents go through this “delightful” stage when children test the boundaries of what is permitted. They smear food on the table, spill drinks on the floor, bite, pinch, take away: