Defenses for adaptation or resistance to success? In his work, a psychologist often encounters a number of client resistances. And these resistances were once needed by humans for protection, to adapt to their environment. Without them then he could not survive. But it happens that he unnecessarily drags these “crutches,” which were so necessary for him, further along with him, although he is already slowing down “thanks to them.” Often already unconsciously, without realizing what is stopping him. One of the resistances is called “fusion.” From early childhood, a child adapts to this world into which he has come. In the animal world, a newborn human baby is the most defenseless and unadapted to independent life; for another nine months the mother “carries” the baby in her arms. He cannot survive without his mother, and he continues to be in fusion with her. Merger is the first defense in a child’s life, and it is in the first year of life that a reliable attachment to parents is formed, which is vital and is further a guarantor of the perception of the world as safe. In a healthy development, the parent, often the mother, is with the baby in the first year of life, feeding, playing, caring for, talking to him, and treating him kindly. And then it gradually “let go”, allowing you to gain your precious experience. At the same time, she is nearby and ready to help if necessary. Adolescence is a critical age, when the strength of the balance of attachment and permission to gain experience is tested, when parents need to allow the child to become an adult and not lose contact with him. And here the habit of being in a “merger” can become a resistance that does not allow the mother to let go, does not give the child the right to her experience. And then in adulthood a person experiences difficulties in life, not feeling himself, not knowing what he wants. It happens that a child has grown up a long time ago, but has not separated from his parents, lives with them, does not start his own family, cannot choose a profession, choosing for himself to be in a merger. After all, this has its own secondary benefits. Without growing up, you don’t need to take responsibility and be independent. After all, it’s scary when there is no such experience, but his mother is nearby, and she decides everything for him, this is common. Merger can manifest itself in the fact that a person does not know what he himself wants. When, as a child, his parents decide everything for him and don’t let him choose anything, he doesn’t have this experience. It turns out like in that Jewish joke. The mother calls the child home, and he asks: “Mom, am I cold or want to eat?” This is a type 1 fusion. It is difficult for a person to make decisions and choices in later adult life. Coming to a psychologist for a consultation, the client finds it difficult to formulate a request for work; he does not know what he wants. When an adult has a tendency to merge with a partner or another significant person, he begins to live a life that is not his own, he “feels the feelings” of his partner, accepts them for her own, cannot imagine herself without him, and “loses” herself, dissolving in her beloved. This is a type 2 fusion. In a healthy state, this is the relationship between mother and baby, when it is vitally important to be on the same wavelength, in fusion. And also a manifestation of love, when it is important to merge with another, to get as close as possible. But later, in a healthy relationship, people in love can regulate periods of fusion and separation into 2 separate individuals who love each other, while accepting and respecting the individuality, difference of the other, his personal space. A client who is in a type 2 merger does not understand “where the partner ends and he himself begins.” This can be both a “suffocating” option for a partner and a reason for manipulation. At an appointment with a psychologist, such a client does not understand what he himself is feeling. In both cases, the client and the psychologist will have to work with resistance to “merge.” It is necessary to separate from the other, to understand the difference with him, to return to yourself, to understand what you yourself feel, what you yourself want. At the same time, you have to return to childhood, see, realize with the help of a psychologist what is there.