I read psychological forums. A huge number of requests for discussion come from young parents screaming “Am I a bad mother?!” I usually want to answer: “No, you are a bad daughter!” All attempts to be good for your children are just efforts to please their ancestors. To be a good parent actually means to enjoy your parenting. Parenting is always selfish and overbearing. His true motive is this: as a child I was used as a doctor of the system, now I will use my children in the same way. Of course, no one thinks like that - it’s too honest, too unacceptable for the internal censor. But this is the truth, the only truth about parenthood. If you become a mother or father, your children will definitely be angry with you, they will rightfully be dissatisfied with you, and they will make claims. Being a good parent does not mean not giving them unpleasant emotions. Being a good parent means recognizing these feelings and your guilt for it. Yes, son, it was hard for you with me. Yes, daughter, I’ve done a lot of crap to you in this life. Children don’t need endless ideal comfort. They only want the truth. Children need to know: what they feel, how they felt and remember childhood events is true. They are not crazy, everything happened that way, and the parent admits it, and admits his participation in it. That's it. This is healing. Then the child can love his albeit angry and envious, but such a lively and passionate mother, his albeit aggressive, but such a real and passionate father. And he suddenly becomes grateful to his parents, at least for the fact that he was born and raised, and even grew to adulthood - he swam, that is, to the shore, where he can now stand on solid ground and lead his life. And then this grown child does not have to become childfree out of hopelessness of becoming an ideal mom or dad. And out of childish horror, scream on the forums - “Am I a bad mother?!” Needless to say, it’s the same in psychotherapy. A psychoanalyst who tries to become an ideal mother for a client and satisfy all his needs will not be able to help him. The article was published on my blog: http://arhetip-v.livejournal.com/182350.html