OUR INNER CHILD “The greatest happiness that can happen in life is a happy childhood” (Agatha Christie). People come to a psychologist not because they have a good life, but when something hurts—the soul hurts, the heart “aches,” a depressed mood, a feeling of hopelessness in life, moral fatigue from the negative events happening in their lives, fear and anxiety for the future. Such people look good, that is, they are dressed, have shoes, have good speech, they can smile and carry on a conversation well. That is, outwardly, when you encounter them, you will never see in them that unfortunate child who sits inside them and suffers, cries, aches from the terrifying pain of the soul, fear and loneliness. And when people come to me for a consultation and say that they have been living for a long time with the hope that their torment will soon end, but this does not happen, that they no longer have the internal resources to withstand life’s difficulties, and they do not see a way out of the current situation, then in the vast majority, if not all, it turns out that in their early childhood there was a cold, distant mother, or a hyper-controlling one. Often such mothers have a failed personal life, the husband left, leaving her alone with the child, or the mother devoted more time to her alcoholic husband than to her child. Or the client's father beat his mother in front of him when he was little. We can go on and on... The father, up to the age of 2, influences the child indirectly - through the mother. If he shows her care and attention, loves her and she receives the necessary protection and nutrition, then the child, when he grows up, will have a normal psyche, but if the father is not with the mother, or he is not able to fulfill his parental functions, if the mother feels resentment towards men, fear for the future, then the mother’s loss of connection with her feelings, “freezing” herself so as not to feel her pain, is transmitted to the child. Such mothers may be ambivalent - that is, having conflicting feelings (for example, love and hatred) towards the child. And because of this, the child grows up with a lack of understanding of who he is, what he is, is it possible to love him? Self-doubt is their frequent companion in life. The internal discord of such mothers is transmitted to the child at the genetic level, and is absorbed with mother’s milk. They do not love their children, but social norms require that a woman have a maternal instinct, that she be affectionate, love and care for her children. And when she pushes the child away, then, feeling guilty, she again pulls the child towards her to tell him how much she loves him. A personality disorder occurs. That is, the psyche is intact, but the personality seems to be upset, as if it were a musical instrument. And the instrument cannot tune itself! 🪕To use this metaphor, to properly tune a musical instrument to make it sound, you need a person whose profession is to tune such “instruments” and who knows how it works. And this person is a psychologist, a psychotherapist (but not someone who simply prescribes pills). Working with a psychologist with his own personality structure (changing the level of personality organization formed in dysfunctional childhood, increasing its evolutionary level) will not replace his spiritual work, although it will facilitate it, that is, special means of psychological work are needed here. Article continues: https://www .b17.ru/article/prichina_problem-neschastlivoe_detstvo/Subscribe to my articles and be the first to know the latest news. You can ask your questions or write a response in the comments, I will definitely answer them.