Interview... How often does management force applicants to ask stupid questions? And how often do applicants hear them? Sometimes there are such answers from applicants that it is difficult to react immediately. So I propose a set of funny dialogues.1. Why did you choose our company?Are you an idiot? I sent my resume to a dozen places. Where I can get a job faster and more profitably, that’s good. - No, I’m smart and that’s what my job is like. Ask and evaluate your communication skills and stress tolerance. Please explain what faster and more profitable means in your understanding.2. Why do you think we should choose you? Do you even need employees? Well, here I am. Worker. It is me who should be chosen, if only because I am clearly smarter than all those who poured out standard nonsense on these questions. And smarter than you, by the way, because I would never ask such stupid questions. -We need smart workers, smarter than me, that’s why I’m testing your intelligence.3. What salary would you like to receive? $2.5 million per year as President of the United States. What a question? Naturally, I want to receive as high a salary as you can pay me. But you still won’t pay. Then there is no need to show off. Anyway, the choice is mine: you say the price, I say whether I agree or not. - I understood you correctly that you are not interested in the prospects for salary growth, okay, let’s write it down that way.4. Why did you leave your previous job? Let’s assume, I’ll answer honestly: a low salary, or lack of career growth, or lack of prospects, or didn’t get along with the team, or didn’t like the boss’s dog. And what? You don’t know if I’ll get along with your boss, the team and their dog. And you won’t know until you try. - Clarify, do you specifically understand the reason for leaving? We need this to create the best conditions for your work based on the characteristics of your personality.5. Where do you see yourself in 5 years in our company? Here’s a counter question: what are the company’s plans for the next 5 years? There are no such? So if you yourself don’t know what will happen to you in 20 years, whether the company will exist and what niche it intends to occupy, then how should I know? - YES, we have plans, mission, motto, brand, strategy and concept development. they are quite open and are on the website. Did I understand correctly that you did not read them on the site?6. What achievements did you have at your previous job? A resume is not enough, that means. OK then. I worked great and did an excellent job at my responsibilities. What an achievement! I will disappoint you: with proper leadership and good work, there should be no achievements! You need to work, not toil about nonsense and achieve achievements! - Achievements - This is what you did not indicate in your resume. How accustomed are you to staying ahead of the plan, and how often do you break deadlines?7. How would you like your boss to be? I would like not to see him. Seriously, I don't care what he looks like. The main thing is that he is a boss: someone who can formulate tasks normally and clearly. As for the rest, let him at least ride around the office in red shorts on a white capybara. - Did I understand correctly that we can send you to our Natasha’s department? She's driving around in a convertible in shorts, her golden hair is fluttering in the wind... and what is a capybara, maybe the boss can buy one for her?8. What are your strengths? I can play the harp and spit 15 meters long. If you need my qualifications, they are indicated in the resume. If you need something else, then ask about it. And if you yourself don’t know what you want and what you need, then, sorry, I can’t help you. To formulate hidden and unclear desires - this is what you need to see a psychiatrist. - Oh! At a corporate party, you will be responsible for a spitting contest!9. What are your shortcomings? I sing well as a tenor, my neighbors complain, but at the conservatory they said I have talent. Here’s another thing: when I eat soup, I scoop it towards me with a spoon, and not away from me! -Do you sing like a bird? Well, we don’t need singers today, I’ll mark it in the database that when there’s a vacancy in the greenhouse, we’ll give you.