From the author: Answers to questions. Consultation e-mail You can ask a question: How to live with an abnormal husband? Question Zhanna, hello! I really need your help, but, unfortunately, I can’t take part in your classes right now. My name is..., I'm... years old, I've been married for almost 3 years, my husband and I have been together for 7.5 years (we've been living together all this time). We have a son (1 year 9 months), we are expecting a second one in a month. Outwardly, we have an ideal family, but for more than a year and a half we have been ready to file for divorce at any time. From the first day we met, my husband and I had an ideal relationship (for both of us), we understood each other without words, we made all decisions together, our desires coincided down to the smallest detail, although we are completely different in character. We were each other's best friends, we solved all problems at once and only together. All this time I felt absolutely happy and did not think that it would ever end - I was so confident in my husband, that we had both made the right choice. Everything collapsed in an instant: I returned from a walk with my two-month-old son (seeing off visiting relatives), the husband was at home. I turned on the TV and saw on the screen an image of OUR bathroom (combined with a toilet). For several seconds I couldn’t believe it, more than anything I wanted someone to say that this was not true, that it was not my husband who installed a hidden camera in the bathroom.. In general, I have never experienced such a shock in my life. He, of course, tried to pretend that it seemed to me, turned off all the equipment, the picture disappeared from the screen, but it was too late... I held on with all my might for the sake of the little one, I knew that I definitely needed to feed him. I cried for several nights, I couldn’t figure out how I could continue to live. My husband, of course, was there, asking me to forgive him, following me practically on his knees. But I couldn’t even look in his direction. He swore that this would never happen again; in the very first minute, in front of my eyes, he broke the camera and all the devices, and convinced me that this was not a deviation, but simply curiosity. But, as it turned out, secret filming was carried out over several months (when I was pregnant; I was scared to think what would have happened if this had been discovered earlier!), all the relatives and friends who came to us during this period were included in the frame to visit, including our parents. I, of course, was the main character, although I never hid from my husband, and I rarely closed the bathroom door. I still don’t know for sure whether anyone other than my husband (and me) saw these recordings. The strangest thing is that I did not notice any changes in my husband’s behavior in connection with this hobby, although our relationship was very close. I could not even imagine that a person from a decent, intelligent family with strict life principles could suffer from such deviations. A little time passed, I tried my best to understand and forgive, dreams of a complete family did not leave me (for me this is the main value in life) , and I decided that I could sacrifice my experiences in order for the child to grow up in a complete family. The relationship with my husband began to be rebuilt, but there was more everyday life, calculation and planning in it (at least on my part). My husband acted as if nothing had happened, and I also tried not to remember anything. A few months later, we even restored our sexual relationship (probably the only area of ​​the relationship that was practically unaffected by that incident). At some moments it even seemed that warmth was returning in the relationship, but there was still no respect. Therefore, for myself, I considered different options for the development of our relationship, and did not rule out that divorce could still happen: it is unlikely that it would be beneficial for children to grow up in a family where the parents (or one of the parents) do not show sincere respect and love for each other, and the child You won't be fooled. At that moment, I thought about myself and that I would definitely like to have two children, related to each other. When my son was one year old, I started talking to my husband about having a second child. Together we calculated our financial capabilities, consulted withdoctors and I became pregnant for the second time. My husband was really looking forward to having a daughter, but I knew that if a girl was born, I definitely wouldn’t be able to live with my husband, constantly living in fear that she would become an object of peeping on... Fortunately, I’m expecting a boy. When I found out about this, I even thought that most likely we would be able to save the family; I did not have any suspicions that my husband was still interested in peeping. But a month ago, I accidentally discovered specific photos and videos on my computer, downloaded from specialized sites. My eyes darkened again, I again couldn’t believe it, my husband again argued that this was an accident and he was just curious... Again he swore that he would never download a single photo again, if only I would stay with him. But 2 days ago I again discovered new photographs. For me the situation is obvious: he will never change, this is a clear deviation (which my husband does not recognize!) and I no longer want to put myself, my children and family at risk. But I can’t tell anyone about this (this is actually the first time I’ve talked about this with someone other than my husband). I tend to analyze what is happening quite deeply (I have a psychological education, although I work in the field of personnel management), but now I feel that I cannot cope with the situation, I clearly need the help of a specialist. I asked my husband to leave (he has somewhere to go), but he doesn’t want to hear about it, he says that me and the children are the most precious thing he has. It’s very hard for me to go through this, although I’m ready for difficulties, I’m even ready to be left alone with two kids (besides my husband, I have no close relatives or friends in this city), but I’m not ready to live with a person I can’t trust. I don’t want to live constantly checking on him and looking around the corners in my own apartment. I don’t blame anyone, I think that I put myself in such conditions, I had a choice: to stay with this person and break up - I made it. No one has given me or will give me guarantees that this will not happen again. But I don’t know how to behave now. I’m trying to control myself, not to show a negative attitude towards my husband in front of the child, but our baby is very sensitive, he understands everything without words. I really don’t want to harm either him or the one who is about to be born. What should I do??? Please give advice. Answer..., hello! Your case is indeed not an ordinary one! And at first, this may seem like a shock to many. But let’s look at all this from the outside, expand the horizons of vision. You have been in an “interesting” position for more than two years. I can only guess that your sex life is not very active during this period. If your husband is young and physically healthy, it is quite natural that he lacks sexual relations. Men are physiologically designed in such a way that sex is simply necessary for them to survive. A woman can go a long time without sexual contact, a man cannot. What he came up with is just a way to touch you! This is his way of “survival” at this stage of life. Imagine, he is interested in you! Other men solve such problems in other ways, for example, having mistresses... And you write: “I, of course, was the main character, although I never hid from my husband especially...” You, being pregnant , imagine a certain secret for your husband - there is another whole Universe inside you! Perhaps he wanted to get a little closer to this mystery? Very often, women, being pregnant, distance themselves from their husbands and become completely absorbed in caring for the child. Men get lost in such cases; they don’t know how to behave. There are certain rules in family relationships that... Unfortunately, many women do not know. In the hierarchy of relationships, a woman’s husband takes first place, and then children come. And it doesn’t matter how many children you have and what situation you are in. After all, thanks to your husband, you had your children. We all know that the primary conditions for incarnation are sexual! The survival of people occurs according to the gender that is assigned at birth. And only with the interaction of the sexes does development move forward and life itself continues. That is why, ….