Most of our problems have their roots in childhood. Personal qualities that often lead to difficulties in life - self-doubt, inability to make decisions, fear of responsibility and others - are a consequence of the influence of parents on the developing child’s psyche. So where does self-doubt, laziness, passivity come from? According to E. Erikson’s periodization, from year to year up to 3 and from 3 to 5 years, the child develops such important character traits as independence, initiative, determination, the ability to maintain a goal and implement initiative. But these qualities are formed under favorable conditions: a minimum of prohibitions, complete answers to questions, attention to his need to explore the world and support for the child’s attempts to do something: “You will definitely succeed!”, “It will work out later,” “I’ll help a little, and this will help.” you can do it yourself." And yet, it is important that there are a lot of smiles and few quarrels in the family. In this case, the baby grows up in joy, trusting the world and himself. As Freud once noted, “a child who feels the unconditional love of his mother will feel invincible.” It happens that overprotection or, conversely, neglect, criticism and prohibitions prevails over freedom and acceptance of the child. In this case, the baby often hears: “don’t touch”, “you can’t do it”, “I did it wrong again”, “leave me alone, it’s not your time.” Then, instead of the qualities that are most important for later life, shame comes (an all-encompassing feeling - I am “bad”) and guilt for the fact that “nothing” is working out. And, in order not to experience severe feelings of shame and guilt, the child becomes passive and is afraid to do anything. Or he desperately does everything out of spite - even if they scold him for the cause, then it’s understandable and not so offensive. A case from practice. Several years ago, the parents of a boy named Kolya (4 years old) contacted me. Complaints about shyness: he doesn’t read poetry at matinees, doesn’t communicate with his peers, and always sits alone in kindergarten. After a month of classes in a group with a psychologist, a new topic was increased enuresis. It is known that these are often the consequences of stress or rejection from the mother. I will organize a meeting with the parents. And then it turns out that Kolya has become more sociable, found a friend in the kindergarten group, and started playing in the yard with his peers! But I notice that this news does not sound joyful and proud of the baby; on the contrary, it is spoken about as if by the way, and a new stream of complaints immediately begins. The mother is annoyed and upset that the boy communicates with the children, but does not take the initiative himself, gives in to the game, and is a follower. The child sees that his mother is dissatisfied with him all the time, since she makes comments, and “gives” a new symptom - enuresis. By this, he unconsciously tells her that he is still small and needs not criticism, but encouragement for his first timid steps in communication (and this is also a way to show his anger and resentment). But mom doesn’t understand his message, and continues to scold him for this. It’s important to stop here and start accepting your baby for who he is. Learn to see the good and pay more attention to the child’s successes and aspirations. Rejoice with him in his joys, in his every smile. (to be continued)