Dependence in love (part 1). Nowadays in psychology the concept of dependent personality is often used. At the same time, experts mean not only addiction to chemical substances or gambling, but also addiction to close relationships, including those arising in the family. Sometimes you can hear “I love him so much that I can’t live without him” or “We are watching look at the world with one eye”, “We are one whole”...Is such a merger so good? In the Gestalt approach there is a term - merger very close in meaning to addiction. It denotes a violation of the distance (contact) between the personality of a man and a woman, a mother and a child, a person and his environment. It is believed that this disorder leads to neurosis - pathological development of personality. This is expressed in the gradual erasure of personal characteristics, subordinating oneself to the interests of another. Such subordination is dangerous because a person ceases to feel his true needs, replacing them with the needs of another. The meaning of his life becomes to be close to his loved one. But your loved one doesn’t always like it. Try to find the traits of a dependent personality in yourself. To do this, you need to honestly answer the following questions: 1. You seek the attention and approval of other people in order to feel good. 2. You believe that others know better what is best for you. 3. You concentrate your energy and feelings on a loved one, on satisfying his desires. 4. You idealize others and are disappointed when they do not act as you hoped. 5. You are afraid to express your negative feelings in front of your loved one. 6. You feel forced to work, eat, drink, have sex even when it does not give you any pleasure. 7. You try to find excuses for the unseemly actions of the people you love. If you answered yes to most of the questions, you have developed a tendency towards dependent relationships. Of course, everyone has certain traits of dependence, otherwise we would not be able to live in families and adapt to each other. Here we are talking about pathological relationships. A person with pronounced dependent personality traits needs constant positive assessment of himself and his actions from other people. He feels a lot of tension inside. He doesn't know his needs. Such a person is unsure that he himself can determine goals that are important for himself, set tasks for himself and solve them, find resources on his own. Therefore, it is easier for a person with a dependent personality type to take part in the life of a person close to him - to help, provide comfort, convenience in conducting business, i.e. organize his life in such a way that it is as convenient as possible for his loved one in exchange for him giving him the opportunity to satisfy his needs. For example, by helping her husband write a dissertation, a wife realizes her long-standing dream of a scientific career, satisfying the need for self-realization. How does the other one feel? He, accepting the care and obsessive attention of his loved one, either feels obliged and responds in kind, or takes it for granted and becomes a domestic tyrant. He may feel irritated, begin to resist and defend his freedom, for example, to go into work or entertainment. If two people with dependent personality traits meet, they can form a harmonious couple. For example, she takes care of her husband and children, creating comfort in the house, he financially provides for the family. They are dependent on each other and feel comfortable in this. When one of the partners has a more independent character, then the tendency towards merging coming from his other half can irritate, provoke conflicts, and a desire to leave. So, if you find yourself traits of dependence, you need to either choose a partner with similar traits, or develop independence in yourself. To develop independence you need: 1. Understand yourself and your needs. Try to separate your desires, your true self from those imposed by parents, girlfriends, and advertising. Find something you like, realize your.