All our lives we learn to build dialogue with others. First with parents and other significant adults. Then - with peers, lovers, bosses or subordinates, and, finally, with your own children. Life requires this: you need to interact with the world, first of all, using language. And we have all somehow mastered this art to one degree or another. At the same time, other dialogue, internal dialogue with oneself, often remains meager, annoying, conflicting, and interfering. Do you know what is the most popular query in search engines on this topic? “How to stop internal dialogue.” Meanwhile, a well-developed internal dialogue is both a method of psychological self-regulation and the key to inner freedom and true self-confidence. Let’s master this art too? Internal dialogue: enemy or friend? Let’s say right away: internal dialogue can be both, it can both hinder and promote adaptation in life. The internal structure of such dialogues is different. Destructive internal dialogue consists of conversations (replicas) of internal commentators (introjects), unsystematic thoughts, uncontrolled images (pictures). Most often, such dialogue includes criticism, accusations, humiliation, name-calling, reproaches, orders, and ridicule. This dialogue can be scarce or, on the contrary, excessive, overflowing, it can be predominantly about others and almost never about oneself. Here is a typical example of such a conversation with oneself: “My internal dialogues constantly exhaust me. Well, for example, I’m tired, and then I say to myself: “How are you tired? So, I quickly pulled myself together, come on, we need to do this and that.” In this example, the girl is talking to herself, as if she were talking to a careless subordinate or a soldier shirking duty. It is not surprising that such a conversation makes her feel bad. Constructive self-talk involves access to yourself and the ability to relate to your feelings: talking to yourself well means noticing your feelings, treating them and yourself as a friend, seriously, respectfully, fairly. In such a dialogue, a person is able to speak with different parts of himself in such a way as to experience this conversation as supportive, approving, loving. I remember one example of such a successful dialogue with my client. Here he is. “I had a long trip to Germany ahead of me. I was driving alone. Over the past year I have traveled like this very often. And every time I experienced jitters and fear. And usually I told myself this: “Calm down. Nothing bad happens. Why are you freaking out there?” Usually this didn't help. This time I decided to accept this fear and told myself: “Masha, everything is fine. You have the right to be afraid, because the road is stressful, it can be fraught with unpleasant surprises. Your fear is absolutely normal, so let’s be a little afraid now, think about what exactly you and I are afraid of and just drive carefully and carefully.” And after that I calmed down, drove more relaxed and generally endured the road much easier. And a kind, understanding conversation with myself helped me come to this state.” What happened as a result of this dialogue? In the wilds of various feelings associated with a difficult trip, the girl was able to understand herself, cheer her up, take her side and make a decision that brought her peace of mind. Constructive internal dialogue performs the most important regulatory function: by talking to oneself, a person can give himself comfort , reassurance, support, sympathy, regret, forgiveness, encouragement. Usually people want to receive this from others, but it is more important to learn to give these gifts to yourself - this is the path to balance, independence and independence. Internal dialogue is also necessary for self-knowledge and self-understanding: in internal dialogue we get the opportunity to understand life’s conflicts, comprehend relationships with yourself and other people. Thanks to inner speaking, a person comes into contact with himself, finds his own counterpart, and thisfrees him from the usual burden of loneliness, helps him find inner peace. Internal dialogue: causes and consequences So, constructive internal dialogue is necessary for the healthy functioning of the psyche. But why is talking to yourself, as someone you love, respect and accept, so difficult? One of the reasons is the lack of such communication experience in childhood. The primary and determining dialogue for the child is the dialogue with the mother: the patterns on which communication between parent and child were built are fixed in the internal mental reality and form patterns of internal dialogue. First, the adult addresses the child, then the child absorbs this method of address and subsequently begins to influence himself with words in the same way as the adult did in relation to him. In other words, external appeal lays the foundation for the formation of internal processes. If your communication with yourself gives you only one desire - to find out how to stop the internal dialogue, ask yourself, “Who is saying this in me now?”, “Through whom Has this style of communication come into my life?” A person is not born dissatisfied with himself, scolding or devaluing himself, he becomes this way in the process of upbringing, adopting patterns of communication and behavior accepted in the family and among significant adults. By scolding himself the way adults scolded him, the child thereby preserves his relationship with them: this is how he feels close to his family, without whom he cannot survive in childhood, and... is disconnected from himself. Subsequently, such a dialogue immediately makes you feel bad inside. Alas, we all know this from our own experience. It is difficult to get through to yourself even if you have problems with feelings. Usually they say this like this: “I don’t feel anything,” “I constantly think, analyze everything.” When feelings are repressed, not realized, not experienced, dialogue with oneself is significantly difficult. And in this case, a separate large amount of work is needed to unfreeze feelings, to warm up oneself. Internal dialogue: instructions for use So, the origin of internal dialogue is conditioned from the outside, but the further development of self-talk depends, among other things, on the person himself. Of course, it is not easy to change habitual patterns, and it is often easier to do this together with a psychologist who sets new frameworks for communication. But you can try to do something yourself. How can you learn to talk to yourself “correctly”? Let’s give some simple recommendations: Set aside a time and place for talking to yourself. For this, privacy is often necessary. Address yourself by name (you can come up with an affectionate nickname) and by name. This will help create an internal distance from yourself and your feelings. Talk to yourself about what you are doing. The sequence could be as follows: 1. Describe what you intend to do and why (“I’ll answer this letter now so I don’t forget”). 2. Pay attention to the feelings that arose in connection with this (“It’s so good that I did it! Now I feel better”). 3. Take a stand (“It’s right for me to respond to important emails without procrastination.”) This conversation will allow you to gain support and clarity within yourself, and will also strengthen your relationship with yourself. Confront your inner critic. Monitor the appearance of devaluing, humiliating statements in your internal dialogue, protect yourself from them, rebel against unfair treatment, unrealistic statements. Learn to be kinder to yourself. Remember: every person has the right to a lawyer. And your task is to become an internal defender for yourself. And you already have a prosecutor. Develop interest in yourself. To do this, it is important to look away from the world and direct it to yourself. The following questions can help you with this: - “How am I doing with myself?” - “How do I experience myself?” - “What moods permeate my life?” - “What is my mood at the moment?” - “What am I in the mood for today?” Talk to yourself about what is important in your.