Most often on the Internet you can find materials about raising children, relationships with children, etc. This article is about how to build relationships with parents. Why do my parents tell me what to do? Double standards: why do they behave differently? Why do they interfere with my life? How to build relationships with my parents? Why do my parents tell me what to do? “I’m no longer even 18, but already 27 years old, and my mother demands everything from me that I live by her rules, fulfill her requirements, come home no later than 10 pm, don’t bring anyone, and at the same time arrange my personal life. " Indeed, why? Maybe because the mother wants to live in an apartment where she has to go and pick up things for her son, watch how her son gets drunk, earning pennies as an errand boy, and sometimes brings some unkempt girls of easy virtue to spend the night? If this is the case, or similar to your case, try to evaluate your behavior as objectively as possible, considering not the reaction of your parents, but only the facts of your own actions. Here we are probably talking about the results of upbringing such as rejection of the child or increased responsibility to others, when parents care about how the child’s behavior looks to others, and are not interested in his own condition. Double standards “Why does my mother nag me about my fashionable clothes, while she walks around the house in an old, greasy robe?” Very often, overprotection leads to the fact that attention is given so completely to your beloved child that there is simply no time and energy left for yourself. Mothers gradually become imbued with the idea of ​​constant control and, over time, live only the child’s life, forgetting about their own. Why do they interfere with my life?” I’m already 28 years old, I work, I don’t drink alcohol or use psychoactive substances, I do creative work, but I’m not comfortable at home, my mother is unhappy with everything, she creates some kind of painful atmosphere. I don’t want to return home, and I can’t get into the mood for creativity at home. Mom says that I interfere with her life, although she’s retired and doesn’t do anything.” Apparently, the positive emotional contact of close people is completely absent here. Obviously, this is the result of a “cold” upbringing, in which only a formal, stereotypical model was present, devoid of warmth and emotional intimacy. How to build relationships with parents? Whatever the upbringing received in childhood, nothing can be changed in the past, so the main question is what a person raised in this way is capable of. In the above cases, the results look disastrous. At 27 or 28 years old, a young man is still not able to independently make the decision to separate from his parents (or one of them) and start an independent life. It’s sad, but it seems very likely that he cannot cope without the help of a psychotherapist or psychologist. As long as he remains the same in the same situation, the relationship pattern will continue to operate, driving development in a vicious circle, causing resistance in the form of drunkenness and self-disrespect or rejection and emotional withdrawal leading to depression. All examples are taken from my recent psychotherapeutic practice, and in all cases the result was not achieved easily or instantly. But! The changes obtained during the therapy allowed patients to see not only their relationships with their parents differently, but also to change their attitude towards themselves. Now these are confident adults who are actively building their successful future. Doctor - psychotherapist of the highest category Mikhail Maratovich Vitkin Tel. in St. Petersburg 920-26-51