People are afraid to ask because they are afraid to hear a refusal. Such fear is formed under the influence of the experience of other people, and first of all, parents. Very often, from childhood, a child hears from his relatives: “You have to do everything yourself. Know that no one will help you in life.” So the child grows up with the conviction that the world around him is hostile and dangerous. That you can only count on your own strength. But this is not always possible. And then it becomes very difficult for an adult to ask for help. But it is worth understanding that such an internal prohibition appeared precisely under the influence of others. If parents have always been refused help, this does not mean that the child will experience the same. And if someone refused once, it does not mean that this will always happen to everyone. I offer a mini-workshop for those people who don’t ask because they don’t know how to accept refusal. Think of ten things you would like to ask of others. Introduce specific people. And say it out loud, starting with the words: “Can I...”, “Can I...”. Also imagine the most painful rejections and say: “Okay. Thank you for your frankness". If your voice still remains aggressive or suppressed, I advise you to postpone the exercise for a few days. In the sphere of “give-give”, many controversial issues also arise. How to do services, but not let them “sit on your neck”? The very first rule that I advise you to follow is: “I do not offer my services. I wait to be asked.” As an example, I’ll give a working situation in a store: the manager sees that the sales representative is not coping with his duties, approaches him and begins to consult. After a while, he begins to fidget, get distracted, and can’t wait for this help to end. Or a family situation - a father notices an incorrect solution to a problem in a notebook and begins to help his son. As a result, the child simply rewrites his dad’s answer in a notebook. Another example is when a subordinate or son himself asks for help. In the first case, neither the sales representative nor the son are responsible for this situation - you yourself offered help. They couldn’t refuse, so they tolerated your intrusive presence. In the second case, the responsibility lies with those who asked, so they themselves receive more and will be grateful for the help provided. However, often in such situations the question arises: “What if he doesn’t apply?” After all, mistakes still need to be corrected both in subordinates and in school assignments. It’s better to simply point out the mistake, emphasizing: “I can help you if you want.” Maybe he will turn to a colleague, or maybe to you, and this will also be information for you to think about. I advise you to fulfill the requests of others only when your own affairs have already been done. If you sit and listen to your friend's complaints about her husband, while looking at the clock and worrying about whether your child has eaten or not, at a minimum, this is incorrect. And you are of little use. Answer honestly and correctly in this case: “I can go with you today, but after 19.” When doing a good deed, as you know, you don’t need to expect gratitude. Every time you catch yourself expecting gratitude in return, I suggest you ask yourself: “Why do I need this gratitude? Why is this so important to me? If gratitude is needed to feel your own importance, then you should frankly admit it to yourself. Then you will have the opportunity to think about where the feeling of self-worth came from, and how to harmonize your self-esteem. You only need to offer help or cooperation once. Persistence irritates and forces those who do not currently want help to make excuses. It’s better when a person simply knows that you are ready to help. When he’s ready, he’ll ask for support himself..