From the author: In my work, I often use Tarot cards; in this system, like on a geographical map, you can see a person’s entire path. Where he is going and where he will come. Family relationships have their own laws, the violation of which leads to... It is better to know these laws :) Love... Since childhood, all girls dream of this magical feeling. Of course, the first object of love is the father, then the magical prince, who must come, kiss the sleeping beauty, and then have a wedding. Girls grow up, but often remain at this stage of romanticization. And dreams don’t go beyond the solemn event. But it is after the wedding that reality begins. When the prince becomes an ordinary person with a lot of problems, and the princess may even turn out to be a toad. Not all young couples can withstand this clash with reality. Not everyone is ready to part with their dreams and illusions. Today I want to talk about “adult” love, and not a child’s dream that someone will come and make you happy. Everyone, without exception, knows the first stage of love - Falling in love. In Tarot cards, this is the Lovers card. At the moment when falling in love overtakes us like a “bandit from the alley,” it seems that here he (she) is, and it is this person who is able to change our lives, for his sake it is now worth living, now finally... then life took on meaning. There are 150 SMS a day, and “bunnies”, and “babies”, and romantic dates, and walks until the morning, and passionate kisses, and crazy sex anywhere. During this period, even the hormonal levels of lovers change, the heartbeat quickens at the mere name of a loved one, and blood pressure rises. Hence the eyes sparkle and the cheeks are rosy. This state is akin to drug intoxication. And this is a necessary condition for the stage of Falling in Love, without this there would not be thousands of works of art, music, paintings, films, poems. Without this, there would be no weddings, no children would be born. This is a natural, natural, biological stage of love. Many people get so caught up in these sensations that they can’t imagine their existence without passion. So they run through life in search of thrills. Calmness and stability are too boring, i.e. too difficult...But... Alas.. Nothing lasts forever. And such a strong, vibrant relationship cannot last a lifetime... It is impossible to be “high” all the time. Sooner or later, sobering up will come...Sooner or later, the partners will return to the mainstream of their usual lives. Where, besides a friend of a friend, there are friends, girlfriends, parents, work, sports, fishing, and a lot of things that don’t necessarily have to be done together. This is where the first crisis comes. This is especially scary for those who are prone to dependent relationships. The partner builds his life around the life of another person. The meaning of one’s life is created on the basis of the meaning of another’s life. And this, believe me, is a heavy burden for a person, and he will strive with all his might to throw it off his shoulders. Trying to find your own integrity through another person is doomed to failure. These are just children's dreams about a “soul mate”... Believe me, not a single person in the world was born to make us happy, to satisfy all our needs, to lick our childhood emotional traumas. Believe me, each person has their own traumas and problems. This is how we smoothly move on to the next stage of the relationship - satiety. In the tarot, this card is the Devil. Unfortunately, in terms of the time of transition, men and women experience these stages differently. The man “already”, and the woman “still” passionately desires the continuation of the “candy-bouquet period”. A man “suddenly” begins to go to football and to the bathhouse on Tuesdays, since before meeting you he had been doing this since he was 17 years old, on Saturdays he I’m used to lying on the couch and watching TV, and it’s advisable not to touch it that day. How does a woman perceive this change? Of course, as a rejection, as the beginning of the end. She had already forgotten that just six months ago, when she met her beloved, it was on Tuesdays that she went to the pool with her friend, and on Saturdays she went to her mother’s dacha. She forgot everything, she was all in him, she was for him!!! And he!!! And what does the woman begin to do? Of course she is experiencingfear and tries to return everything, tries as best he can, with scandals, claims, jealousy, etc. The man honestly doesn’t understand what he’s doing wrong, why he can’t go to the bathhouse with his friends, he doesn’t like scandals and complaints, his “eyes are starting to open” to his beloved. And he doesn’t understand what’s behind these hysterics, and neither does the woman. She is simply scared that the man has stopped paying attention to her 24 hours a day; she sees this as a threat to her happiness. And a man sees scandals as a threat to his peace of mind... It’s important to stop here. Calm down and, holding hands, go to a psychologist. Although, of course, breaking up is easier than building relationships and working on them. At the Saturation stage, separations and divorces occur. How important it is to understand that this is just a stage! This is a natural stage, and all relationships, absolutely everything, go through this! You can start a million relationships, and they will all end right here, when the partner becomes himself, and not a part of us. Just as at first the partners sought to merge (“we are two halves of one whole”), now they strive for separation and autonomy. Remember the symbol of marriage, two wedding rings. They do not cover each other (fusion), but create a third element in the center, leaving each ring with its own space. It’s the same in life. Absorption is scary. The meaning of relationships is to create something third - a family, a child, a business. It doesn’t matter what, but creation, creation of something new. Without this, the energy of Love will be destructive and destroy everything. Accepting the fact that a partner has the right to be himself, has the right to personal space, just like you, is a bridge to the next, also natural, stage. Of course, provided that the natural state of your partner does not disgust you. You can close your eyes to a lot, you can forgive your loved one a lot if there is something to do it for. A partner may have a lot of advantages, and one huge disadvantage is the reluctance to change something in himself: “I have no problems, you don’t like it, that I play the computer every evening, if you don’t like it, leave.” And there may be a lot of minuses, but one, huge plus - he loves you and wants to work on the relationship and values ​​​​you. So, having survived the difficulties of the first two steps, another period begins - calm, in tarot cards this is the Temperance card. Quarrels and scandals, competition, showdowns, “who is cooler” are ending. Everyone took their place in family relationships. An understanding comes that family is a real value, and it is necessary to build it. And when partners stop demanding that each other meet their own needs, they can accept each other as they are, the next stage begins - friendship. And Trust. And this is where the True Adult Love of two adults begins, who are not afraid of adversity, they do not demand from the other more than they can give, they do not try to “fit” them to their needs, they trust each other... This is the love... of which nothing scary. It’s a pity that the art of love and relationships is not taught in educational institutions. After all, it is this science that helps a person to be happy...But! If the art of love is not taught in schools, then you can master it yourself. Through self-love (please do not confuse it with pampering yourself, indulging your whims). Self-love is a respectful, wise attitude towards oneself, it is harmony, confidence, stability of the inner world, this is the “Kingdom of God in oneself”, which is written about in the Great Book. This is understanding and accepting the fact that everything that happens in my life is only my responsibility. And then there will never be an alcoholic, drug addict, greedy, stupid, etc. next to you. Human. And if he “Suddenly” turned out to be, if after all you fell in love with such an “unworthy” person, then you need it for some reason. Unconsciously “chooses” exactly who you need right now to satisfy your internal needs. Understand this, figure out the reasons “why I fall in love with bad guys/girls”, whose scenario you are living, in general, whose life you are living, allow yourself to live your life, do.