“Why do you need a relationship?” I quite often ask people this question in consultations, when the topic is either problems in the relationship itself, or the absence of a relationship as such. This seemingly simple question is not so easy to answer. The answers can be roughly divided into three large groups. The first are those who honestly answer “I don’t know.” It happens that a person himself does not yet understand why he needs all this, but his parents say that it is time to get married. It’s time, they say, to come to your senses and have children (a terrible expression in relation to children). Or a person, looking at his friends who have already started families, also thinks that he needs it too. The question “Why” in such cases is a little sobering, because, indeed, if you don’t understand why you need it, then, most likely, at this temporary stage, the relationship will not bring you anything other than problems. The second group are those who have the courage to declare that they want to solve some of their problems at the expense of a man or woman. These could be issues of self-esteem (raise it at the expense of the wife) or improve the financial condition (millionaire husband). There are still options when people are looking for replacement parents. I once heard this: “She will restrain me so that I don’t get drunk or do something.” The words of an adult man. Women are more likely to say that they want to be adored. What is common in all variants of this group is that people, first of all, want to receive something from a relationship; there is no talk of giving at all. Even the exchange of something in a relationship by such people is perceived from the position of “Let him or her first, and then I’ll see.” Often relationships with such people do not work out, because not everyone wants to see next to them an infantile and capricious child who repeats: “Give-Give.” Representatives of the third group are the complete opposite of those in the second. For them, the main thing in a relationship is to give, and, at first, even the thought of having something in return does not arise. Often these are women who need, in their words, a brutal male to whom they will give their warmth (does he need it?). Men are more inclined to express their feelings to a woman in every possible way, and strive to prove in every way that they are worthy of love. But often their relationship becomes problematic, since the source of giving dries up if nothing is returned to it. Often, in such couples, reproaches arise that the other sincerely does not understand. In a healthy relationship, in my opinion, the most important condition is mutually beneficial cooperation. And there is nothing bad in the word benefit, because we are talking not only about material or physical actions, but also about feelings. After all, you will benefit from the fact that your man or your woman understands and supports you. And it also warms my soul, and these are feelings. The balance between giving and receiving is important here; when it is observed, relationships become exactly the way people ideally imagine them. You just have to imagine a little and do it. Answer yourself honestly the question: “Why do you need a relationship?”, a lot can become clearer. Live with joy! Anton Chernykh