Envy in neurotic functioning signals to us that we have discovered someone in our environment who has something valuable and desirable for ourselves. - I want that too! - we say. The discovery of a desire or an unfulfilled need in this case is not experienced as one’s own flaw or personal defect, perhaps because the person has the ability to grieve and accept a loss. And the essence of this ability, among other things, is that this acceptance does not cancel all joys life together with this lost concrete joy. And we know that even if we now realize that we won’t get something in this life, then after some time we will find something else valuable for ourselves. Such, for example, may be the envy of a person going through a divorce towards people who are currently happy in a relationship. His envy says that he has a need for intimacy with someone, even if he is now experiencing the moment of separation from his husband or wife... If fate or something else favors us, then we, relying on the desire discovered behind envy, will be able to do without losses for now, but invest and get what we wanted. And thus, our envy will be exhausted. Until some new moment. So, for example, people find teachers or mentors based on envy, which means a desire to adopt their skills or learn a way of thinking... Envy with borderline functioning can signal to us that we have discovered a place of our narcissistic vulnerability. That is, some dignity inherent in another automatically plunges us into a feeling of our own humiliation. It’s as if we have one dignity for two, and this “terrible” person appropriated it for himself first. It is extremely difficult to experience such envy, because it automatically makes the one who feels it inferior. And it presents a person with the world in all its injustice, in which the other there is a beautiful and satisfying object, but for him there is no such thing and never will be. This perception idealizes the life of another person who does not experience any adversity and his life is “full”, while his own life seems unsatisfactory and hopeless. In order to cope with such a complex feeling of envy and to regain a sense of self-worth, the person seeks to unite with such a fortunate other and tries to maintain this idealization for as long as possible. Or, if such a path is impossible and the separateness of the other person is obvious, then the envy-inducing quality or circumstance may be devalued.- How long will you continue to attend this study? I would have gone and done something normal... (For example, there may be envy of the ability to learn or self-actualize) Or an example when a mother pities and empathizes with a child because of some failure, and his father is angry with her because of this. Why are you spoiling him? (Here there may be a man’s envy of the child, because his own mother was not empathetic, and he experienced a deficiency of warmth and empathy, but denies this deficiency) Author Evgenia Andreeva Make an appointment by phone +7 911 234 48 91 (WhatsApp, Telegram)