From the author: Causes of anxiety disorders. Attitudes and beliefs that support neurosis. The desire to conform to someone else's idea is a denial of oneself. The "Victims" program and the Karpman triangle. Exit plan. In summary, what we are considering in the article .Causes of anxiety disorders. Attitudes and beliefs that support neurosis. The desire to conform to other people’s ideas - denial of oneself. The “Victims” program and the Karpman triangle. Exit plan. Some people are interested in why delving into childhood in order to overcome their fears, panic, causeless anxiety, painful thoughts. At first glance, there seems to be no relationship. But let's figure it out. The way a person builds his relationships with the people around him and the world as a whole affects his well-being and symptoms. And he builds his relationships based on his ideas about people, the world and himself. It is important to understand what is happening in a person’s life now in different areas, personal, professional, and everyday life. How comfortable or not are you with internal experiences, what is happening with your emotional state. Character, inclinations, ways of responding were not formed now, they were formed in childhood. Therefore, an important stage of work is to study how your personality was formed and where the deficit was formed. For example, mother did not give unconditional love, was cold, distant, often criticized, punished, intimidated. For example, as a child I was often frightened by “Dudyuka” if I did not eat porridge. Little I didn’t know who “Dyudyuka” was, but I assumed that he was some kind of evil man with horns and hooves. On my mother’s closet there was a bottle of perfume in the shape of a devil, and outside the window in the yard a lame old man often walked, shouting “We’ll take it with us,” as it turned out later, “We’ll take the old stuff,” I was terribly afraid of him. All these characters merged into one for me, and then these childhood fears resulted in depression and panic attacks in adulthood. Or, your mother always loved and accepted you as anyone, and your dad was extremely demanding and already in childhood you understood, that they must earn daddy's love and approval. With age, understanding develops into the belief that love must be earned. And so you work seven days a week, build a career, achieve your goals, but dad still doesn’t react and even often repeats the phrase: “Here I was at your age...”. And you, having reached the mark of the second, emergency breath, run even faster, picking up neurosis and asthenia as companions along the way. You have forgotten how to rest, relax and get at least some satisfaction (not to mention pleasure) from life. You develop perfectionism in yourself, that is, the desire for an unattainable ideal, and do not allow yourself to make mistakes. You are often guided by the “all or nothing” principle. You are constantly dissatisfied with yourself, you want to be perfect always and in everything, and at some point you realize that you no longer have the strength to run at this pace. We've arrived! How useful is your belief that love can only be earned? How useful is the idea that you need to prove something to someone? How useful is it not to allow yourself to make mistakes and not to forgive yourself for these mistakes? How useful is it not to be lenient with yourself? In most cases, no matter what you do and no matter how successful you become, your parents, for educational purposes, of course, will continue to “motivate” you, telling you “What’s special here?” What am I getting at? You can NEVER expect the love of a parent in the form you imagined it to be. There are a great many childhood fears that can later manifest themselves in adults. The most common reasons for the appearance of these fears are the results of intimidation (of course, for pedagogical purposes), anxiety and nervousness of adults when communicating with a child, many prohibitions without explanation, severe fear, states of shock, conflict situations in the family, prolonged experiences or mental turmoil, constant criticism and dissatisfaction with the child. From such an assortment with age.