If a child does not obey his parents, then he has formed such a habit. You can form the habit of obedience using the “9 steps”. If your child is between 2-12 years old, then this is an effective method. After 12 years, your child already becomes your assistant and friend. Step 1: Adjustment. Adjustment to the child’s character, facial expressions, voice and mood. At this step, you talk to the child in his language. We look at the world through the eyes of a child. For example, for a little boy, a branch found in the yard is not a dirty branch, but a saber, or a magic wand. Your actions in this case are not “ugh, throw it away immediately!”, but let’s play musketeers. After the game, we hide the “sabers” in a “special place.” And the child, in a good mood, leaves his new toy and at the same time, interest in the world around him does not fade. Step 2: Taming: teach him to come when called. When the child is still small, 2-3 years old, you can play the game “Who is first?” It's good to play when there are two or more children. But even when the child is alone in the family, you can play. Who will come first, dad or Nika? Hurray, Nika won! This is how the child learns to hear and listen to you. Of course, if the child has already grown up and is 12 years old, then there is no time for playing. In this case, you already agree on the format - I call you, you come. When you agree on a format: a) Make sure your child can hear you. He is not busy with other things, and misses your speeches. b) That the child heard you. Ask him to repeat your request. c) If the format is violated, sanctions are applied. Attention, point c) is never used without the first two! This is inhumane to the child. Step 3. Calm presence and format. At this step, we pay attention to the ability to “keep face.” Here we can use the game “The sea is agitated once...”, or the game “Day and Night”. Rhythmic gymnastics and ballroom dancing coaches pay close attention to this skill. For a sour face they can simply be kicked out of the hall. And it gives results. The child learns to keep the format perfectly. Step 4. Learn to negotiate. We give the child the opportunity to look at himself from the outside. My daughter’s favorite word was “later.” Make your bed later. Carefully put your clothes in your closet - later. When I realized that it was useless to prove and get angry, I accepted the rules of the “later” game. It only took half a day when I answered “later” to all her requests. At first she was offended. Then she got angry and said that this was no longer funny. In the end she said: “I realized that I did the wrong thing. “Later” is a bad word. I don’t like it at all, let’s cancel it.” Conclusion - a child can make the right decision when he sees his behavior from the outside. He himself offers to negotiate. When he proposes, he tries not to break the agreement, because he understands that the consequences will not be in his favor. Step 5: No whims. The child’s whims are a protest to the fact that he is either not understood and this makes him feel bad, or he is fighting for power. In the first case, you should leave all your affairs (they won’t run away), pay attention to the child, play, calm him down, hug him and let him know that he is needed and significant. In the second case, use the “extinction method”. We let the child understand that such behavior is not at all interesting to us. His desire will become interesting to us when the child expresses it in an adequate form. The child may say with pity that he wants to calm down, but cannot. Hug your child and wait silently for him to calm down. After that, praise him for doing it himself. He's great! Step 6: Requirements. Requirements are the rules established in the family. The rules are consistent and they are always followed. They must also correspond to the child’s capabilities. Be sure to brush your teeth in the morning and evening. After eating, bring the plate to mom. Step 7: Responsibilities. Responsibilities are regulated by the same requirements (rules). At the first stage, we create a list of “how you would like to help me.” After a couple of weeks, the list can be renamed “my to-dos.” You can come up with a lot of different things that a child can do.