Often you ask yourself the question: 'Is this right for me? “And when you try to answer this question, then by what criteria? Very often, people consider the level of comfort to be the criterion for what is suitable. And, unfortunately, popular psychology supports this stereotype: “If it’s comfortable, it means it’s suitable.” For choosing a dress quite a correct thought. But if we talk about the choice of decisions, partners and tasks, then I don’t agree with this. Let’s try to ask yourself another question: “How close to this is my decision / this person / in this place, etc. . will the path of my development be possible? However, here you can run into one more question: What is development for you? All that we can develop in ourselves is our abilities, skills, knowledge, feelings, meanings. The path of comfort rarely coincides with the path of development. More precisely, probably never. And then you are interested in someone’s life on social networks and ask yourself: How did he achieve this? Or: how does he live like this? people who feel successful or good did not once choose something based on comfort criteria. But one should not think that the path of development is one of continuous suffering. This path is a road of research into how I and this world work, and these are efforts to make myself more useful and kinder to life. And suffering is often complaints about the world, there is no development in them. When I feel sorry for myself and say that the world is unfair to me , or I should get something because I am good and have suffered, then at that moment the “Saboteur” subpersonality awakens inside. This Saboteur is very cunning and knows how to shirk responsibility for making choices. He teaches you to eat or drink too much out of self-pity. After all, you are a poor thing, and you deserve it! They suffered so much, worked, worried, that now they can indulge themselves. He sabotages the proposals coming to you because it is “uncomfortable”, it will not be easy and he will have to be responsible for something. It’s better to leave everything as it is. This Poor thing will always choose what is comfortable and what requires less effort and supposedly promises happiness. And even better - magical and fast. But remember the main thing - this figure inside will never allow you to develop. Will never let you feel freedom. Because freedom is freedom of choice and reliance on your decisions. This is done in a simple way: I stop feeling sorry for myself. I honestly answer the question: what can I do NOW and MYSELF, and what I definitely can’t do. Which of these I WILL, and which I definitely WILL NOT. That’s how you make a choice. So, :Fit does not equal comfortable. Suitable equals development. Eating from one plate is inconvenient for two people, but with the right person it is possible. And with this action, both will develop the best in themselves, or fail. But then it will be clear that it is not possible to develop here. Development is the path of understanding oneself and the world next to another, or thanks to a chosen goal or a decision made. This won't make me any happier. This will make me smarter and more useful to myself and the world in my life, I will be freer in any situation. Ask yourself the question: “What will comfort and self-centered feelings lead to when making a choice?” You will feed the Ego, maybe show off to someone, but what next? How will this improve you? The balance between self-centeredness and suffering is development. He must be chosen, no matter what. The partner is also chosen this way. And sometimes it happens that at some point, after a number of years, the development resource in these relationships ends. For the “lucky” ones who mutually followed the path of developing their qualities for their life, peace and soul (even if you developed to be a mother or a good homeowner), this resource may not end until a place of peace. That is, until you feel old. And then it is easy and not scary for them to die. And for those whose development resource has run out (for example, they have completed some social tasks and are no longer useful to each other in other ways), then they enter a period of alienation. And this is an important place to take the time to think about further tasks next to each other, and not waste time. These will not necessarily be new tasks, maybe they need to.