In the previous article we came close to the question of how to learn to love yourself. First, let's figure out what it means to love yourself? Often, women who regularly visit beauty salons, fitness centers and give themselves expensive gifts say that they do this, which means they seem to love themselves. But if you ask them why they need it, you will find out what the real needs are for exhausting yourself with training and spending time and money on cosmetic procedures. Usually they answer like this: “I should know that I look 100!” I continue the dialogue: - Why do you need to look your best? - To like it. - To whom? - Everyone. Opposite sex. - And for yourself? Do you like yourself? - No. - What don't you like? - Well, the figure doesn’t quite correspond to 90x60x90. Even my family can’t see me without makeup. I'm already getting old. Wrinkles appeared. The skin is flabby. And this is becoming increasingly difficult to hide. - If you get old, does that mean you no longer have a chance to please yourself? - It turns out that no. We have come to such a sad, I would even say tragic, conclusion. The situation has reached a dead end. In other words, a woman who takes care of herself in this way does not do it because she loves herself, but quite the opposite, because she does not love herself! She is not driven by self-love, perfectionism, or the desire to achieve perfection, an ideal, which is, in principle, impossible. By this, she dooms herself to endless dissatisfaction with herself and a state of dissatisfaction. After all, to love means to accept yourself as you are, as you were created by nature! After all, if the Universe created you exactly like this, then the Universe needed you! Otherwise she would have created another person. What do you need to do to find a state of love towards yourself? Firstly, you need to stop treating yourself the way your parents treated you as a child, i.e. criticize, evaluate, compare oneself with others, condemn, blame. To do this, you need to turn on your consciousness and do it consciously. Most of our thoughts and reactions to events occur unconsciously. Therefore, you need to keep a diary in which you note every day situations in which you unwittingly criticized yourself and describe your thoughts, feelings and behavior about this. Divide the columns into 2 parts: in one you will reflect your current state and what you have done, and in the other write how you would react if you loved yourself. For example, I write that I didn’t have time to complete the entire plan for today, I’m upset about this and think that others are doing well, but I’m not, that I’m somehow different, I should have started with this, and not left it to then, etc. In the column about how I would feel and what I would think if I loved myself, I write: - well, I didn’t, and okay, so what? - I’d better rest, and tomorrow I’ll do it much better and faster with new strength! - it’s good that I didn’t, now I’ll plan less! You definitely need to remember how your parents showed their love towards you, what they did, what they said. Write down parent messages related to this topic. The point is that you are not the one rejecting and criticizing yourself. You still hear the voices of your parents in your head, so firmly entrenched in your unconscious that you mistake them for your own voice. What kind of phrases could these be: - Beauty is not the main thing, the soul needs to be beautiful! - Beautiful girls can get married successfully, but you need to take it wisely! - It’s easy for those who have the ability, but you need to work hard! - All children are like children, and you? - And who are you born like? - If you don’t learn to cook, no one will marry you! - Nobody needs you like that! - Nobody will love you! - No one will love you but us! By regularly monitoring these thoughts in yourself, you will gradually be able to change them into positive statements: - I am beautiful the way I am, because Nature cannot create something ugly! - I am worthy of love only because I exist. I don't need anything to be loved)