“Psychotherapy is not a replacement for life, but its dress rehearsal” Irwin Yalom There are many recommendations for choosing a psychologist or psychotherapist. Some focus on education and experience, and others on reviews and advice from friends. When choosing a psychologist, his theoretical direction is of great importance. And the client himself re-reads many articles and literature on psychoanalysis or CBT, for example, even before the start of psychotherapy. You can simply choose by photo or marital status and this is not the worst option. From my point of view, regardless of all this, phenomena such as transference and resistance must be taken into account. It would seem that therapy has not yet begun, but there is already transference and resistance. Exactly so. I hope my thoughts and techniques presented in the article will help you make your choice. Transfer. One of Sigmund Freud's most important discoveries was the discovery of the transference effect. During therapy, the client transfers the image of a significant parental figure to the psychologist. Not immediately, but over time, he begins to experience the same feelings that he experienced in childhood with his mother or father and tries to satisfy the needs and desires from that time. This phenomenon is important to consider when choosing a psychologist and the format of psychotherapy. Why? The transfer does not form quickly. If you feel that your problems come from childhood or from your current relationship with your parents, tune in to long-term psychotherapy. Choose a specialist, a man or a woman, depending on the gender of the parent with whom you have more problems. You can also focus on problems in communicating with men or women and go to a psychologist of the exact gender with which it is most difficult. The task of a psychologist or psychotherapist is to notice, understand and neutralize transference reactions. Thus, return the client to the “here and now” and teach him to track his transference in everyday life. Yes, we often transfer our problems from childhood to the present and this is the Top reason for all appeals to psychologists. How to notice transference reactions in your life? Emotions, desires, or even a thought + emotion that arises in such a situation are always stronger than the stimulus itself and often contradict logic. For example, you did not give up your seat to your grandmother in transport and experienced a strong feeling of guilt, a harmless remark from a loved one infuriated you, or the common phenomenon “I can’t say no.” These neurotic reactions greatly interfere with life and are a reason to consult a psychologist. Resistance. The most obvious thing that a person undergoing psychotherapy or just thinking about starting experiences is resistance. Resistance is a paradoxical phenomenon. The client wants to improve his life, pays the psychologist money, spends time, but part of him sabotages and resists changes. The problem is that the resistance that emerges in the process of psychotherapy also exists in our everyday life. Part of us resists living and life turns into struggle, labor, pain. The psychotherapeutic relationship is a good place to work with your resistance. The psychologist usually pays attention to the client’s resistance and its lack of logic. Together they work through it and win. This is if the resisting person does not remain face-to-face with his feelings and goes to a psychologist. Thus, resistance often begins to slow down a person even at the stage of choosing a psychologist. The advice to look for a specialist intuitively, “with your heart” is confusing. It is at this stage that instead of intuition, they listen to their resistance and delay making a choice. How to reduce your resistance even before working with a psychologist and start changing your life? I suggest you try the Sedona method and free yourself from resistance. The exercises are taken from the book “The Sedona Method” by G. Dvoskin. Exercise for physical resistance research. Place your hands in front of you in a prayer position, pressing your palms together. Randomly choose which hand will apply pressure and which will resist. With the hand that you have chosen to apply pressure, gently press on the other hand, which is resisting pressure, and hold your hands there..