When our second granddaughter was born, the midwife said: “You can feel the character, get ready mommy))).” Indeed, much later, when we met in Costa Rica and I had the good fortune to nurse my granddaughter directly, and not on Skype, I understood what the midwife meant. I had the opportunity to compare the baby with my eldest granddaughter. However, our children were also completely different from birth, but then I was just a mother, without psychological preparation and did not think about it. In the final session, a young girl laments that she should be different. She doesn’t like her appearance, figure, low self-esteem, shyness. She cannot speak freely with the guys; she even finds it difficult to move on public transport. As a rule, we blame one of our parents or both at once for all our troubles. Of course, the family system, including the child, has a significant impact on him. But, you cannot deny the nature in yourself. We are already born with a certain set of qualities. We are not a “blank slate”; we already have something built into us. Parents designate this “something” to the best of their perception and tell us through words, forming our identity. As we grow up, we sort through these “tags,” agree with some things, categorically refuse others, and struggle with them all our lives. This is probably how an obligation appears. You've definitely heard, more than once, the phrase: “First of all, I owe it to myself...” I admit, I also uttered it often in relation to myself and my clients. I viewed this duty, rather, not as changes in myself, but as the maximum disclosure of myself, my inner qualities, potential, and endowed resources. However, should is the first enemy that prevents us from being in a state of satisfaction and happiness. Our complaints apply to everything - to the world, it should be different. To loved ones - they should not be the same as they are now. And, to myself, of course - I should be 2 cm taller, 7 kg thinner, my wallet 200% heavier, my position, calmer, bolder... The scary thing is that we live like this all our lives and only before we die do we realize it:- I didn’t have the courage to live my own life, and not the way others expected of me; - I didn’t have the courage to express my feelings; - I didn’t allow myself to be happy... Meanwhile, accepting myself leads to increased immunity, decreased blood pressure pressure, helps activate self-regulation mechanisms, increases sensitivity to insulin, improves psychological state. There is a lot of talk about acceptance, but not everyone understands how to implement it. I think it's just giving yourself permission to manifest what matters most to you. I'll try to explain with my own example. My work was related to material assets and responsibility for them, selection and personnel management. Every now and then thefts happened and each time I demanded that I stop trusting people, I reproached and scolded myself for seeing them clean. In one of these cases, I took myself apart “to the bones” and came to the conclusion that it is my nature to believe in a good, kind beginning in every person. Then I exhaled and told myself that I would never give up this faith, I just couldn’t. I accepted this in myself and stopped tormenting myself. “An aspen tree will not give birth to oranges” or it is stupid to demand and expect a lapdog to become a watchdog. This is nature, and in order to be happy, you need to accept it in yourself, to abandon the obligation. There is one parable about choice, but in this case it is also appropriate: Someone came to King Solomon and asked for help: - Every time I do something, I cannot sleep peacefully - I rush about and suffer, and wonder whether I did what I had to do.” The king asked him: “Would you throw yourself into the river if you saw a drowning child?” “Of course the king!” - was the petitioner's answer. - And yesterday, and today and tomorrow? - Yes. - You see, there is so much to choose from if every time you know what you would do, even before the turn of actions comes. Petitioner!