“The psychological need to avoid independence is one of the key problems of female existence in the modern world. The desire for self-realization, independence, and the free development of one’s abilities has come into deep conflict with the desire for security, irresponsibility, and the eternal expectation of a “prince on a white horse” who will take upon himself all the burdens of relations with the dangerous and unpredictable outside world. And if forty years ago it was indecent to behave too independently, then in the post-feminist world it is equally indecent to declare one’s adherence to Cinderella’s apron and readiness to live “married as if behind a stone wall.” Colette Dowling “Cinderella Complex” (1981). Three decades have passed, and this duality of the female role still exists. At different times, dependence and independence are encouraged. But duality is not abandoned. Within the family, more contribution is made to the girl’s dependence: all children’s fairy tales form a certain, often man-dependent, image of a woman in the girls’ heads; relationships with their parents, and in particular with their mother, remain quite close, and separation rarely occurs. And in the external, social world, the emphasis is on independence: equal working conditions, equal professions, income, positions, statuses. But no extreme will bring happiness to a woman. Independence deprives a woman of the opportunity to build good family relationships. Why? Because this independence does not become freedom in general and freedom from dependence, but becomes some kind of separateness, separateness. There is even a term for such a state - “counterdependence”. I'll tell you about it in detail soon. In general, in this independence there is no place for full-fledged relationships and a full-fledged family. There is a place for a submissive man, but not a mature one. And addiction, that’s what addiction is, it deprives itself. In this position there is an opportunity to build a family and relationships. Perhaps they will even seem very good and happy from the outside. But you will have to pay the price for this dependence by giving up your rules, your opinion, your choice, yourself and your freedom. Do you want to live like behind a stone wall? Submit to the stone wall! And this is also not about a mature union. And in a mature union there are no extremes. Although in difficult life situations, partners experience dependence, independence, and other options for interaction. In a mature union, there is no guarantee of the security and protection that the other provides because the other does not fulfill the role of parent. The other helps, supports, but he is not a prince on a white horse. Because he also needs help and support. Both people in a union do not guarantee each other happiness, love, peace, security, acceptance, etc. These are just living people. All these points are tasks of personal self-development, but not expectations for a partner. A woman, since we started with her, for her happiness will have to choose her own proportions of mixing this dependence with independence. And personal therapy helps a lot with this!