In a psychology class, a story was told: “Evening. It's time for little Eva to go to bed. It was a long day filled with games and fun. Mom read Eva a fairy tale, covered her with a blanket and wished her good night. Eva was left alone in her crib. And at night a thunderstorm began, thunder roared, and Eve woke up. She became very scared. She ran to her parents’ bedroom, but her mother got angry with her and sent her to bed.” The task was given to think about what traumas and experiences Eva might have had, her role as a Rejected Child. I thought about this story for a long time, whether among the roles of schema therapy there was the role of a Traumatized Parent. Who, no matter how hard he tries, will always be accused of something. The other day I read an article by a psychologist about unfulfilled childhood desires and the grievances associated with them. About how long you can live with a grudge against your parents for not buying a doll, or about not being allowed to go to a disco, not getting a dog, scolded for getting a bad grade, or being forced to do homework. And how hard it is to live with such a trauma, which has hit your self-esteem or, God forbid, if after it you “stopped dreaming and wishing.” My parents died early, before I was 20 years old. And I still feel regret that I didn’t have time to ask them about something, to get to know them. But my childhood grievances finally went away after the birth of my own child. When I realized that I was involved in a very long-term project, and that for about 20 years I would not be able to always be in resource, make the right pedagogical decisions and be a guarantor of a happy childhood. But what about resources? It’s difficult to be adequate. The idea of ​​childhood trauma as the main cause of all subsequent events is not considered by all areas of psychology. But looking for the cause of a client’s problems in his childhood is a very emotionally charged activity. The topic of childhood can fill meetings with a psychologist for a long time and provide the client with “emotional relief,” and the psychologist with a sense of self-worth and constant income. But what do we cultivate in ourselves by being overly involved in childhood grievances? I think infantilism. Now I mean normal childhood. Not situations where there was violence, incest, parental alcoholism. A peaceful childhood. I grew up in Gorlovka, and families from military Chechnya came to our city. These children fell to the floor from the sharp sounds and covered their heads with their hands. The child’s psyche is very stable. And childhood takes place in a certain context - time, environment, historical events. Often the context is lost in childhood memories. We see ourselves at the center of the universe and remember the unbought toy, but we forget how the family as a whole lived, what we could afford, and what we simply didn’t have money for. A person’s fate depends not so much on the events of his childhood, but on his impressions of him , the place of these events in his adult life and the conclusions drawn. Cherishing memories on the topics: an unpurchased toy, scolded for a bad grade and not allowed to go for a walk - this is infantilism. Which can be supported by a psychologist and have a positive short-term effect - the client received emotions, support, “understanding of the reasons” why something is happening to him, the psychologist successfully conducted the session, but in the long term does not solve the client’s request. Now I’m watching the TV series “Crown”. The royal family's children and Margaret Thatcher's children had enormous opportunities at their disposal. Study, make a military, scientific, political career, devote yourself to almost any business and any profession. Yes, there were restrictions: you couldn’t do something (become an actress, for example), or you couldn’t marry a divorced person. But in general, there were more resources and opportunities than any other resident of the country. But some chose to worry about whether his parents loved him no less than a brother or sister, and why he was not born first - and then he could lay claim to the throne, or not the second - and then he could live his life. Choosing instead to see the resources and opportunities to savor children's grievances and claims does not produce results, success and happiness. Now we have no clarity as to why children are needed at all and there is no clear process of separation from parents. The concept of child-free arose because no.