It is no secret that the age at which a first child is born has increased greatly, and some people do not want to have children at all. There are many different arguments for such a decision, but today I would like to devote time to one of them: “before having a child, you must first provide him with All!" This “everything” usually means: your own apartment, preferably for some reason not with a mortgage, a personal car for the family, or better yet 2, any toys, everything in the world, clubs and sections with the best coaches, a private school, immediate capital for education at a university, capital to buy a separate apartment for this child, the most branded clothes, any desired entertainment. It looks very balanced and adult-like, if not for one “but”: children do not need THIS all. Everything for a child is presence, attention and the love of parents. I don’t mean that you have to become like the marginalized, give birth to seven people in shops, live on benefits and “just love.” I mean that for the normal development of a child into a healthy and inquisitive person, it doesn’t matter if he lives in a rented apartment with mom and dad or in his own - he needs it to be warm, dry, well-fed and safe; he goes by bus with his grandmother to the park or by private car - he needs to look out the window and discuss cars, trees, dogs, people. Children don’t need a million toys, they need a very limited set of toys that they can use in play in as many different ways as possible, this will develop their imagination and ability to manipulate objects in non-standard ways. It doesn’t matter to a child how many businesses his mom or dad has, or what academic degree they have. - It is important for him to listen to fairy tales before bed, look at pictures, and have his back scratched. In raising people, material goods are auxiliary, but not primary. But what about the fact that we know in the modern world that it is the parent who meets the needs of the child while he is small. Yes! But needs and desires are not the same thing. To put it as simply as possible: wanting these chips now is a desire, wanting to eat is a need. Anyone who does not agree to eat anything, nothing but chips is not really hungry. Childhood is structured in such a way that the adult decides, and the child obeys the decisions. And it is this uncomfortable position of the dependent that gives rise to a person’s desire to become an adult, to gain independence and decide for himself, and provide for his own needs and desires. The real responsibilities of a parent are to ensure safety ( including psychological), care for development, health, learning skills for living in society and self-care, including psychological. It is important to understand that often what we want to give our children beyond what is necessary (not just a smartphone with the capabilities of all smartphones, but this most expensive and popular one, even on credit) is a signal about our own deficits. What can be seen in this neurotic desire to be able to provide for any desire of your child? All people are different, and I can’t speak for everyone, but here are a few options: - A negative experience from your childhood, when a current adult really wanted something, but it wasn’t easily given to him, and he was also punished, maybe even flogged, ridiculed, devalued and shamed for ordinary childish immaturity (crying, screaming, hysterics). How much could our parents afford in the world of collapsed socialism, when capitalism was already on the store shelves, and the accounting department at work was full of butter? Against the backdrop of the agony of the regime, they themselves were frightened and irritated; they had no time to contain our sorrows over an unpurchased doll; they were afraid of not feeding us tomorrow. And now the projection of one’s own inner child, demanding attention to one’s desires, has resulted in the conviction: “first you need to provide everything to the child.” Or maybe it’s the inability to refuse and accept refusals, to withstand one’s own and other people’s strong emotions, to be resistant to other people’s grief and not experience guilt? - Or is it protection from annoying!