From the author: This article was published in “Newspaper 470” (dated 05/04/2016, Nizhny Tagil). To write the article, materials from Yulia Berdnikova’s book “Family Life for 5+” were used. Ekaterina, a family lives through 8 cycles in its development. Each has its own difficulties and challenges. And the feelings of the spouses undergo changes and are tested for strength in each cycle.4. Third cycle. The first child enters the external social system. Conflicts in this period may arise due to the mother going to work (respectively, redistribution of responsibilities), new interaction between family and kindergarten, etc.5. Fourth cycle. A family with school-age children. The family begins to interact with the school (new responsibilities appear: helping the child with his studies; taking him to school; greeting him). During this period, a family crisis may occur (expressed in depression, somatic illnesses, alcoholism, school failure). Splits and unification of some members against others are possible in the family. For example, the father is harsh towards the child and accuses the mother of being soft; there is no uniform approach to raising children. Parents get angry, blame each other, and the child becomes uncontrollable (often gets sick, studies poorly, since in this case the parents unite again, solving common problems related to the child and forget about their problems for a while). What to do? - Study dialogue with your partner, discuss your problems without emotions. - Realize that when we become parents, we are responsible for the child. -Only in the family does a child learn to interact with people and the world. - Relationships in the family, based on trust and respect, give the child a feeling of reliability and self-confidence. 6. Fifth cycle. Family with a teenager. The first child becomes a teenager. The resolution of various intra-family conflicts depends on how family members interacted previously. Were these relationships of respect, recognition of the right of another to be different, or authoritarian relationships based on criticism, suppression of children's will, humiliation, etc. Often during this period, parents worry “midlife crisis” (reassessment of one’s beliefs, values, achievements) and, perhaps, experience disappointment. The main task of this period is to accompany the teenager and facilitate the process of emotional separation from parents, the continued development of the child’s individuality. What to do? Build effective communication with the teenager, for this: - do not order, but describe the problem, thereby inviting to take part in a joint resolution of the controversial situation; - do not show aggression, humiliate with words, but describe your feelings in connection with what is happening and express an understanding of the child’s feelings. This will allow you to hear each other; - not accuse each other of irresponsibility, but give useful information in a simple and respectful manner. Sometimes we think that if we know, then the child knows too. He will know if we tell him; - do not get rid of the teenager’s uncomfortable behavior (with various prohibitive measures), do not threaten, but offer a choice (an option that satisfies both us and him): - do not criticize, but voice your life values ​​and your expectations in regarding the teenager’s behavior (clearly and in a respectful manner); - do not try to maintain control, but learn to trust and let go (only by separating emotionally from the parents, the child can become a full-fledged person).7. Sixth cycle. The departure of mature children from the family. At this stage, parental functions are basically completed. The question of the future relationship of the spouses in a couple is becoming more acute. If the meaning of coexistence was in children, this period is dangerous due to late divorces. In order to prevent such situations from arising, you need to take care that the relationship of the spouses is not limited only to everyday life and caring for children. It is necessary to find and create common areas of interest, traditions, and social circles. For children at any age, both mom and dad are important, and a family home is important, which gives strength and confidence, warm childhood memories that stay with the person for life..