I started thinking about my depression quite recently. Thinking about it, I wondered when it became chronic? Whether it appeared at 2 years old or at 5 years old, at 14 or at 21 - I could not accurately determine the age. As I reflected and drew on my feelings, I realized that I had tasted depression in the womb. While still unborn, I took some of my mother's depression and applied it to myself. Apparently depression was beautiful and seductive, since I have been dragging it for 26 years. I know depression from a theoretical point of view, I know what it looks like for others. And so, I saw my beauty. Depression - helping to live, to be aware of the moments happening in my life. But she also has another side. The one that takes energy. The only thing I understand now is that in order for depression not to be a part of me, I must throw off my mother’s depression and face my depression. And for this I need to go down to the very bottom of my subconscious. You need to go down carefully into this closed part. I may not guess what crocodiles might be waiting for me at the gate. But, I can get to know them and even make friends (this way I can learn a little more about myself; crocodiles are part of me). When I come down, it's worth catching my breath, looking around and being with it for a while. Next, start spring cleaning yourself. Find those things that belong specifically to me, that were handed down to me by nature, and throw away the unnecessary ones. Why collect trash?! Let him gather dust?! I can no longer bear such a burden. This doesn't mean I will throw everything away. No, I will treat myself environmentally, I will listen to my intuition and evaluate what is important for me to take from my mother. This is how you can free yourself from maternal depression: throw away what you don’t need and take what you need. I will spend more energy fighting it, denying its value to myself. Why do I need this? In my understanding, structuring yourself means starting to act. After all, this way you can have the energy to take off, to rely on yourself and your capabilities. The ability to plunge into depression is the priceless gift that nature gives us to heal from a sentence of death. Depression is an extreme weapon, an extreme measure of salvation from a dead-end (hopeless) state. The tool is undoubtedly dangerous, but acts as a beneficial regression. Like a shelter within whose walls you can hide like a snail in a shell. I am gradually starting to overcome my mother’s depression. This is a long way, because what awaits me next is my depression - the one that once saved me. To be continued...