How to survive a divorce. I will not talk about the fact that the number of divorces in our country and throughout the world is steadily growing, I will not analyze the reasons for this phenomenon and give it a moral assessment. In this article I will try to briefly outline the principles, following which, I hope, will help you get out of the situation of divorce with the least losses. So, if this happens... The first thing to remember is: this will pass. No matter how hard and painful it is now, over time it will become easier, the pain will go away. Therefore, your first priority is to simply survive the difficult period with minimal losses and preserve yourself. Later, when it becomes easier, it will be appropriate to “work on mistakes”, analyze what led to the situation of divorce, something that will allow you to “not step on the same rake” again. In order to figure out what to do and what not to do when going through a divorce, you need to understand what is happening. And the following happens: while you lived together, whether good or bad, you were psychologically and energetically parts of the same system. Your experiences in the “here and now”, plans for the future, self-perception, were consciously or unconsciously connected with your partner. Speaking from a distance, it is painful and difficult precisely because the system has collapsed. To put it a little differently, after your partner leaves, there is a void in your life. It is this that causes pain. The system is certainty. That same confidence in the future, even if this very tomorrow seems far from rosy. The system is the meaningfulness of life, even if the meaning is realized as a permanent struggle with one’s “other half” and as expectations that, perhaps, “everything will get better with time.” Hence the anxiety, the fear of being alone forever, the desire to return the partner, combined with a huge number of claims against him or with a feeling of guilt (“I ruined everything”). Hence the jealousy, endless attempts at analysis, the search for those to blame. It is important to understand: it is not the lost family happiness that we are yearning for, if we do not deceive ourselves, there was no such “happiness”, recently before the divorce there certainly was not. We yearn for certainty, for the fullness of life, for the meaning of life, even if it is false. And our experiences are, in part, an unconscious attempt to fill the resulting void. Thoughts about the past, resentment, guilt - albeit inferior, but support. That’s why, often, we hold on to the past and don’t let go... In experiencing a divorce, there is another motive - an echo of our childhood traumas and fears - “what if mom (dad) leaves me?” Losing parental love for a child means an abyss. This fear is especially relevant if for some reason this very parental love was not enough. That is why the departure of a husband who drinks heavily, has not shown love for a long time and has not brought money into the house, or the enchanting outcome of a bitch wife is often completely illogically perceived as a disaster... Now about what to do and what not to do. The situation of loss of false meaning is well suited for searching for the meaning of the present; it is only important to give yourself a chance to see it. Don’t be fooled by the “inner voice” that whispers how good everything was and how hopeless everything is now. Cultivate your inner realist: boringly and methodically check whether you have REALLY lost so much and how much you can gain. Focus on real problems that require your participation. Take time to formulate immediate goals and objectives (vacation, shopping) and plan them. Think about what you want for yourself in life. Keep yourself busy - it sounds corny, but it works. Go to training, chat with friends. In a situation where you want to quietly suffer in pain, you may be surprised to find that activity and communication unexpectedly improve your condition, sometimes quite radically. By thinking about your life, doing things that are interesting and important to you, you are slowly filling the gap formed after.