Losses happen in our lives. From birth to death we lose something. Losses can be small and large, tragic and not so tragic. From losing a bucket in the sandbox to the death of loved ones. Life after loss can never be the same. You need to adapt to the changes that have occurred. There is a mechanism in the psyche that helps you process the loss and continue to live a full life. The mechanism is called “work of grief.” The work of grief proceeds in a certain way, step by step. There are five stages of grief: Denial. At this stage, the person denies the reality of what is happening (“this cannot happen to me”). Bitterness. The bereaved person seeks to blame someone for what is happening. These could be people around you, a person who has passed away or died, or someone who is experiencing grief. Negotiation stage. If this is a separation, then at this stage attempts are made to restore the relationship. If this is the death of a loved one, then the mind accepts the loss. Depression occurs when denial, aggressiveness and negotiations do not help. A person yearns for what was lost. During this period, acceptance occurs on an emotional level. Thoughts and memories of the lost person occupy the mourner. Adaptation to life without the lost person. At this stage, adaptation to changing living conditions occurs. In order for a bereaved person to return to a full life, it is necessary to go through all five stages, which can last up to a year. You cannot interfere with this work, persuade a person to calm down, get irritated by his tears, depressed state, aggression, desire to talk about loss. The psyche knows what it needs. And these are normal reactions of grief. In our fast life, you can observe how people do not give themselves the opportunity to experience grief, they push it further away - into the depths of their souls. And then, after some time, physical illnesses appear (grief needs to manifest itself somehow) or after a few years, living with grief can begin at any moment. What can stop or suppress the work of grief? There is no time to experience grief - you need to take care of loved ones , work, there is no way to concentrate on your experiences. Ø A person has developed a mechanism for avoiding pain. It cuts off sorrowful thoughts and feelings from consciousness. In a short time, a person experienced several losses - the psyche could not cope with such a load. A ban on feelings. In some families there is such a prohibition and the child learns it from childhood. In such families, it is unspoken that feelings are not important. Ø Strong emotional dependence on the lost person. To admit that a loved one is no longer around is to lose a part of yourself.Ø The lost person was so “bad” that it is a shame to grieve for him, he is not worth it. If, at the mention of the loss, even after many years, strong emotional reactions are observed: mental pain, tears, then we can say that a person has “unlived” grief. To make it clear how dangerous “unlived” grief is and how it destroys life, I will give several examples from psychological practice: A woman after a divorce, having experienced two stages of grief, was “stuck” in the third. For sixteen years she had hopes of restoring her relationship with her ex-husband. In rare meetings with him, she used every opportunity to win him back. We began to look for the reason for the client’s attachment to this man. Her mother was promiscuous. Men appeared in their house, lived for a while, and then disappeared. It was hard for the girl to bear this and she decided that she would have one husband and their child would be spared the nightmare in which she lived. The girl grew up and forgot about her decision. It was already acting unconsciously. And it was precisely this that did not allow her to complete the work of grief after the divorce, which presupposed the final severance of relations with this man, which entailed loneliness for life. Thus, the woman’s attitude prevented her from experiencing grief in time and starting a new family. A man, after the death of his mother, “forbade” himself to experience grief because of resentment towards her. After 2 months his business.