When my teachers hinted to me in every possible way that they saw me working with children, I nodded my head, and when I left the office I was indignant for a long time and loudly, convincing myself and my classmates that this was completely impossible. “No, of course I love children, but that is why I will never become a child psychotherapist. The first thing I want to do is kill half of the parents for hurting their children!”... and it seemed to righteous anger there was no end. I beat myself in the chest with my fists and said that I didn’t see the point in working with a child, because he was returning to the parental system, he was too small and inexperienced to break it or change it, which means it was all to no avail... and I don’t like working to no purpose . Whether it’s dealing with grief or depression, at least it’s clear that you’re helping. And then there was a lot of things, so much that it’s impossible to fit into a short article; maybe someday it will turn out to be a good book :) or not very good, but honest and about life. And I no longer wanted to kill my parents and wanted to work with children. I suddenly (well, not just all of a sudden, but after 10 years of personal therapy) realized that it was in child psychotherapy that the whole meaning of my work lay, all the hopes and aspirations to make this world a better and happier place. I saw my childhood from the outside, in full view, and it became so piercingly clear that it was no longer possible to want to kill someone. We, parents, come from childhood, we carry with us through the years all the pain and bitterness of children's tears, insults, humiliation, grief. We act out our traumas and losses on our children, we “raise” them, teach them, make them better than us, read smart books and count to five when they shed such bitter tears, we try to raise them “correctly”, but then bam we break into a scream, raise our palm over our butt, shake the air with our fist, and then we suffer for a long time and painfully in our soul, part of which we know for sure that this is not possible with a child. We promise ourselves that never again, but here comes another disobedience and again our cry returns, just as it never went away. We dream that they will listen to us, that they will do as we say, because once upon a time the whole world did not care deeply about what we want or don’t want, what we dream about or are sad about. And there was no one in there-and-then who would say that everything would pass, who would be 100% on our side. And we are all in the same boat here... Kindergarten, school, country... No, don’t think, I in no way condone cruelty and sadism towards children, or anyone else in general. Childhood trauma is no excuse for today's violence. It’s just that now I know for sure that in order to raise a healthy adult you need a child psychotherapist. And thank God if parents find the strength in themselves and say: “we need help.”"...