From the author: Registration and interview are underway for the group “Woman in Time or Time for Yourself” (in the city of Ivanovo). Limited number of seats. October 11, 2012 the first meeting of the group. People who suit each other, combine, are said to be “two boots in a pair.” I propose to consider a “couple”, two who are together, but at the same time they have many difficulties in communicating with each other. Most of these difficulties are associated with the characteristics that people show when defining their boundaries. And we know that in order to be in contact, in connection with others, we must, first of all, decide for ourselves: to distinguish ourselves from others, to set our boundaries. When a person does not have such a clear definition, confusion arises: what to do - what not to do, what I am responsible for - what others are responsible for, what is “mine” - what is “not mine.” “Yes” and “no”, which are realized through words , behavior, through our choices, outlines invisible boundaries between people. These boundaries can be healthy, or they can be distorted. Let us pay attention to the distorted boundaries in pairs, where, like in pairs of boots, there are “left” and “right”. So, we will classify as “left” people who often give in. They cannot be left alone, so they easily succumb to pressure from those who press on them. It is important for them to have “good” relationships and get along with others. That is why they put the interests of other people above their own. In such compliance, a person cannot say “no” to what is harmful to him. And in the extreme version of this “leftist advancement,” he may not at all distinguish between harmful and useful, good and evil. Among the “leftists” are also those people who avoid saying “yes” to everything good that comes to them from others. They find it difficult to accept the support offered, e.g. they are not able to open their borders for good things to pass into their territory, they do not want to hear “yes” from the world, i.e. ignore the love and care of other people. Among the “right” ones, who will be paired with our “left”, we will include those who do not want to hear “no” from others. They want to manage, shifting responsibility for their affairs, sometimes even their lives, to others. And they do this actively - aggressively or - subtly manipulating others. They achieve everything they want, while others, the fulfillers of their desires, feel guilty. Among the “right” are people who are insensitive to the boundaries of others. Their insensitivity may have a different nature. They may be insensitive to others because... They don’t even notice their needs. The same insensitivity can also be the result of the self-centered position of a person who is so carried away with himself that he “doesn’t care about anyone.” Well, it is quite obvious that those for whom it is commonplace to be treacherous to the boundaries of others are interested in those who will take on take responsibility for fulfilling their wishes. Next to them there are often those who voluntarily want to help, who are ready to take on the burden of hyper-responsibility, thereby blurring their boundaries and corrupting their couple. In the “right” - “left” pair there is no villain, they are equally necessary for each other. And those who are compliant and avoidant also need those to whom they will give their time and energy. By showing concern, they are distracted from their needs. In the hustle and bustle, they save themselves from questions and answers about the meaning of their life. Agree, it’s not very pleasant to realize that you are a member of such a duet. And an open and honest position towards your own boundaries, attention and respect for the boundaries of a colleague, partner, spouse, friend will help you get away from “vicious” relationships. Books by two authors - Henry Cloud, John Townsend “Barriers” will help you form a healthy position regarding your boundaries . When to say “yes”, when to say “no”, “Children: boundaries, boundaries!”, “Marriage: where are the boundaries?” etc. Happy reading and good luck!