From the author: A conversation about whether we put ourselves in these notorious mittens, or whether circumstances put us there. The eternal question of who has whom: are we life, or is it us. The other day I met a young woman whom I had not seen for “a thousand years,” or more specifically, since January. And I was surprised, if not amazed, by the changes that happened to her! She became younger and prettier, and besides this, 10 kilos of weight, which, apparently, was superfluous, disappeared somewhere. Her face became fresher, and during the entire conversation she never reached for a cigarette. “This is news,” I thought, and began to ask questions. Friends, what will be the versions of my questions? When I told my friends about this meeting, the verdicts were of the same type, from the “fell in love and got married” series. The truth turned out to be much more banal. Her relationship is already more than five years old, everything is still going smoothly. But on New Year's Eve something unpleasant happened. Hives, covering large areas of the body with allergic spots. The result of this is a bunch of examinations, giving up pills as if they were poison, you have to take them constantly now... And, as a result of giving up pills, a new diet, work and rest. In general, the question has come to a head. Either change their lifestyle, or walk, spotted, like a giraffe, constantly scratching themselves, or swallow histamines and, slowly but surely, harm the body that has not yet given birth. The girl chose a healthy lifestyle, adjusting her diet, giving up nicotine and alcohol, and... As a bonus, I lost 10 kilos of weight, which I couldn’t get rid of for several years. After meeting this girl, another meeting came to my mind. In the sauna, after a workout, girls like to chat. And one day I got into a tongue-in-cheek conversation with a slender, athletic lady who mentioned something about her own grandchildren. I couldn’t believe that a woman without makeup or clothes could hide her age so cleverly. Everyone thought that she was no more than 30. But, as it turned out, she was under 50 years old. The woman said that she was diagnosed with allergies when she was young, and she could only eat cucumbers and water. “So what?” I asked with a sinking heart and pity: “Your entire blooming appearance is the fruit of renunciation of everything in the world except cucumbers???” It turned out that everything is not so ironclad. She eats everything. But only – a little bit at a time. Drop by drop. A little more than a drop - and immediately the sound of a siren, an ambulance and a handful of pills. Therefore, she is FORCED to keep a tight rein on herself. Now this is her way of life. These are the tightropes I would like to talk about today. Why, one might ask, can’t most of us give up excess food on our own? or quit smoking without already having a terrible diagnosis? Why don't children do their homework if they aren't afraid of failing? Why don't women wear makeup when they're not going to be in public? Why do men at home wear sweatpants pulled down at the knees, and girls wear T-shirts stretched out, if no one is expecting guests, and everyone around them is their own? I see these situations in this way. There is no external pressure. There is nothing worth “fighting” for. This answer lies, of course, on the surface. There is no goal, many will say. But many will object and say, there is a goal! For example, you want to lose weight. What is not the goal? I repeat once again. If there is a goal, there is no external pressure. I overeat - “get a grenade, fascist!” (cover yourself with spots). Here is an example of external pressure. If you haven’t learned your lessons, you’ll get a “pair” and an entry in your diary. What is upsetting in this situation is that for the sake of external “irritants”, “threats” and other phenomena, we can overcome other circumstances, but for the sake of our OWN decision, we cannot. And here the question directly arises about our own significance, our own assessment of ourselves, our loved one or loved one . Is it a loved one, by the way? After all, out of self-love alone, many of us cannot stop destroying ourselves. It’s not for nothing that girls going on a diet or quitting smoking are advised to “spread” this news among their friends, so that later they will be ashamed to “leave it out.” That is, as a matter of course, it is recognized that someone else’s assessment is more important than your own. And where after!