The psychological nature of shopaholism Recently, a beautiful, wealthy, successful young woman approached me for an appointment. In her life, from the point of view of her friends and mother, she has everything: a husband, children, high social status, a well-paid job, without which she would still live in abundance. When I inquired about the purpose of her visit, she said that she had developed a shopping addiction in which she purchased things that she did not really need. Otherwise, this behavior is also called shopaholism or omniomania. And everything would be fine, but there is nowhere to put the purchased things, a lot of personal financial resources go into emptiness, although the husband is sympathetic to what is happening and does not make any claims to her. The mood after shopping lifts only for a couple of hours, and when she realizes that she has again bought a completely unnecessary thing, apathy and inner emptiness sets in, which she does not know how to fill. Until recently, there were friends, until they had children, they even had a close relationship with a man, which allowed her to experience the strong feelings she needed, but now she understands that she gets joy only by making these purchases, which very soon gives way to disappointment. She always walks in the same vicious circle, from which she cannot break out... - Where did this come from in me? What is the reason? And what should I do with all this? I don’t want to live like this anymore and I can’t! - these are the questions she wanted to understand. Shopaholism, like any other “-isms”, i.e. addictions: workaholism, sexaholism, alcoholism - have the same nature of origin and development, which is rooted in the parental family. In order for a child prone to addiction to grow up, the following conditions are needed: In a family, both or one parent uses an authoritarian parenting style, expressed in strict control, setting strict demands and expectations, making vital decisions for the child, imposing their beliefs and values. If a child does not comply with requirements or does not meet expectations, punishments are applied to him. There are professions that inevitably lead to the formation of dependent behavior in a child: unfortunately, these are teachers and the military. These are people who work in systems of oppression and “know” how to live “correctly”. If your mother is a teacher and your father is a military man, then either you yourself or someone close to you is dependent. This is what they say is a “medical fact.” One or both parents are addicted. The most common option is when the father is an alcoholic. What happens to the child in such families? Since childhood, he has experienced a lack of love. When you start asking such a person how his parents showed their love for him, he cannot remember anything. Hugging and kissing were not accepted. Well, maybe during the feast, when it was necessary to make a toast, they said: “We love you.” But often such a child hears criticism addressed to him and experiences the experience of rejection from his parents. He develops a life attitude that he is not okay, something is wrong with him... Criticism discourages him from doing anything at all and making attempts to solve pressing life problems. A state of helplessness arises, which leads to the development of addiction. Returning to my client’s story, her parents still decide for her where and who she should work with. She would like to engage in creative work, but three (!) higher educations, which she received at the insistence of her parents, do not give her the freedom to “become a simple artisan.” Her mother was never interested in her feelings, and looked at her candidates for husbands only as an advantageous match. At the same time, she said that her daughter was not beautiful enough to just get married successfully, she “needs to take it with her mind.” Her parents were always busy at work, she was often left with one grandmother or another, and tried to compensate for the lack of attention with toys and expensive gifts. So how can you break out of this vicious circle? For this