When people talk to each other, the main purpose of this is to convey some kind of thought. That is, we want to say something to each other so that we can be understood. But this is not always the case. It happens that when we pronounce a phrase, we say some rather contradictory things. Today I want to talk about the double message in our words that makes it difficult to understand us. About how our children perceive these double messages. Although this also applies to adults, of course. What are we talking about? To make it a little more clear, I will give an example of such double messages. Imagine that you see a mother with a child. The child has done something, the mother begins to get angry, nervous, and in order to stop the child’s actions she says: “Stay still, come here.” Or imagine, a child doesn’t want to eat, cries and argues with his grandmother, and she says: “Shut your mouth, eat this porridge.” Well, or, as an option, the child is capricious, crying and hysterical, they begin to shake him and ask him to calm down. Or when we tell our children that they are big and mature enough to put away their toys and go to bed on their own, but at the same time they are small enough to watch cartoons until ten in the evening. The point is that when hearing such phrases, even an adult has some misunderstanding of what is expected of him and which action to perform. What then to say about the child, he is completely lost from such phrases of adults. Of course, socialized adults may already understand what needs to be done, and then only with a deep sense of confusion. Children are not yet able to understand what is required of them: to stand or walk, to eat or to keep their mouth closed. Of course, these are vivid figurative examples, but in everyday life there are very often “instructions” that cannot be followed and that we simply do not notice. In general, adapting and learning to understand what an adult wants to say is within the child’s control. But the catch is that such training will not be easy. Kids will resist everything that is not clear. Not because they will be harmful, but because it is simply not clear. So I would like to note, dear adults, this aspect that sometimes our children do not listen to us, not because they are so harmful, or simply do not want to obey, sometimes it is difficult for children to do what we, adults, ask of them, or warn about something. And finally, imagine this moment: a husband and wife are arguing, and the wife impulsively accuses her husband that he could earn more money, and then immediately becomes upset that he is never at home. There is something to think about. Or when a spouse can, in an impulse, say that his wife is not his mother in order to make some comments to him, but at the same time asks her where his socks are lying around. Double messages are not clear. The double message instruction cannot be executed. Let's strive to be clear, both for ourselves and for our children. Welcome to the training "Parent University. Practice". Other articles on the topic How to deal with aggression in the family How we scare and shame our children How to understand what is happening to a child in kindergarten? More articles can be seen here.