Often in my work I come across the fact that children are unsure of themselves, afraid of the world around them and themselves at the same time. Every child is naturally endowed with healthy research activity, interest in himself and the world, inner kindness and sincere energy . Under the influence of “good upbringing,” these qualities gradually disappear, giving way to uncertainty, anxiety, and aggression (directed at oneself or others). An important period in terms of developing confidence and independence is from 2 to 4 years, the so-called “crisis” three years." At this time, the child separates from the mother psychologically and tries his hand at this world on his own, exploring it, changing it and trying to contact it. If he receives support in this from his mother and father (which is also very important), then there is a high probability of developing a holistic and mature personality in the future. If a mother expresses constant doubt about the child’s capabilities and strengths, conveys information about the unsafety of the world and its hostility, as well as constant prohibitions on active exploration and acquisition of new experiences, the child develops a number of defensive reactions: dependent behavior, uncertainty, low self-esteem, inability make a decision, high level of personal anxiety, etc. This is a type of education when everything is scary and everything is impossible. I want to say that we adults greatly underestimate three-year-olds. Sometimes I myself can’t keep up with my daughter (although I think I give her a lot of space and freedom). For example, yesterday, when Ira (my daughter) herself took out a fragile glass glass from a high shelf, filled it with water and brought it from the kitchen to the room without even spilling the contents - I was very surprised. “And she can already do this herself!” - I thought. In order for the child to feel more confident, the parent’s message could be something like this: “I believe that you can handle it on your own. You are strong. If you need help, I’m here. Try, make mistakes, you have everything will work out. I can teach you, but I won’t do it for you. The world is different, but very interesting. When you do something in the world yourself, I will be proud of you. I love you even when you do something. Without my participation or help, I won’t feel unnecessary then.” This message can be used at almost any age. Olga Lazarenko – psychologist (Gestalt approach), co-founder of the Center for Psychology and Psychotherapy, consultant on weight loss and eating disorders (099)4847704.