From the author: How do you feel about making mistakes and gaining experience? It seems that this is one and the same. But in reality, these are different things. And the modern tendency to replace one thing with another is not so harmless. - There are no mistakes, there is only experience. - There are no failures, there are steps that did not lead to the goal. - There is no criticism, there is feedback. - There are no weaknesses, there are areas of development. - There are no shortcomings, there are individual characteristics. - There are no enemies, there are people who make us move forward. I'm sure you also have something to add to this list. Those who are engaged or interested in psychological practices, coaching, personal growth training (as a professional or as a client) know these and similar expressions very well. It's true? In this area, everyone says THIS... well, or almost everyone. Let's say the vast majority. And, actually, why? For some time now it has become customary to talk about other people’s mistakes and one’s own shortcomings softly, delicately. And the initiative probably came from professionals. What guides us when we say: “Well, don’t be upset! What kind of mistake is this? You just gained invaluable experience...”? The desire to calm and cheer. Oh yes, we are also diligently developing positive thinking - we are learning to find the positive in everything. “Well, yes, you are lazy... But this is not a disadvantage! This is just your feature, which, by the way, allows you to rest properly and not overwork! And in general, laziness is the engine of progress!” Well... but before it was a mortal sin. Everything is very relative in this world! As they say, with good intentions... We want to console, encourage, reassure, inspire, support. What if we look even further and deeper? There is an opinion that a modern person, even a very successful one, has a 30 percent lower self-esteem... Let alone those who are not quite successful. It doesn’t matter what the reason for this state of affairs is – the education system, the Russian mentality, historical experience... Now – it doesn’t matter! It is important not to “finish off” someone who is not very confident in himself anyway. On the contrary, you need to support. In the Middle Ages, the quitter had at least hope. There is a sin, therefore, it can be prayed for, redeemed... It’s not like that these days. Laziness is not a sin. It's just bullshit that will prevent you from succeeding... but that's your choice. But if, after all, the choice is made, but it is impossible to pray for (the wrong level of religiosity), then this is fraught with consequences... After all, if this incompetent person also tells the truth that he is a quitter and mediocrity, he will completely give up! He will be as good as a milk goat... But if you say that he has “development zones”, then he will also improve your productivity. And he will come to the next consultation. Required. The words “failure”, “mistake”, “guilt”, “lack” are usually perceived as negative, undesirable, and socially disapproved. And people (most people, those who are not great) are afraid of condemnation. They are afraid of being rejected by society, not accepted, not appreciated... For many, “failing” is tantamount to offending society, the team, and loved ones. But mistakes are inevitable, you will notice. And you'll be right! Humans tend to make mistakes! Well, in that case, why not call them differently? There is nothing wrong with being soft, delicate and calling things by their proper names. Except, perhaps, one thing. By replacing concepts, we forget that we are changing the vector of consequences... The brilliant Oscar Wilde said that “Experience is the name that everyone gives to his mistakes.” Yes, this is definitely a trend today! They tell us “You have gained experience!” Oh, this is wonderful. Basically, this is the same as “You made a mistake, draw conclusions and move on.” But there really is a difference! The error can be corrected! Experience - no! By excluding “negative” words from our vocabulary, we also cross out the consequences. From now on, there is no need to correct mistakes (after all, there are none), no need to be offended, worried, angry at enemies (enemies also do not exist, the enemy is an illusion, there is only an extremely useful person who points out your mistakes), in general, you can turn into).